John Rosemond

“Are you trying to tell me something?” I asked my preteen grandson.

Q: Our 9-year-old daughter is going to the fourth grade next school year. She loves school and has always done very well. She recently took a series of tests and we’ve learned that she qualifies for the gifted and talented program. When we told her, she became very upset and told us she doesn’t want to accept the promotion. We tried to explain the advantages, but she just became more upset. She says none of her friends are in the gifted program and she doesn’t want to be there either. The school counselor says we should not let her make the decision. What should we do?

Q: My 3-year-old started preschool about two months ago. He did great. However, this week he began being defiant and not following directions. Then he kicked, screamed and spit at his teachers. We’ve taken away his blankie and bicycle and put him in his room for about 30-45 minutes each day. We talked to him about why this is unacceptable, but we are afraid this might be the beginning of a new phase. Any discipline suggestions to stop this?

Q: Our son’s fifth birthday is in August. He did just fine, socially and academically, in preschool, but the counselor at the school he’s slated to attend has recommended that we hold him back a year because of his late birthday. She says that kids with late birthdays, especially boys, do better if they’re given an extra year of maturation before starting school. What do you think?

Q: I went into my 17-year-old’s bedroom to wake him this morning. After some urging, he eventually got up and then told me he hated me. What is the appropriate consequence for this sort of disrespect?

When I was a child, back in the Parenting Stone Age (aka the Parentocentric Era), your parents were the most important people in the family.

Q: Is it OK to start teaching our 1-year-old how to play independently? He screams and cries when I put him in any type of enclosure if he can’t get “free” (even when I arrange the furniture in a way that he has a very ample play area). Is there a method to teach him how to play by himself for at least a little bit? It seems I am following him around the house all day so he can’t get into trouble, or hurt himself or damage furniture. etc. We have our house “baby-proofed,” but he is very creative with the things he likes to get into.

Q: It seems our 1-year-old is showing willful disobedience. We tell him “no” and try to redirect but he does the same things over and over. The things in question include turning over and not being cooperative when I’m trying to change him, slapping us in the face and standing up during bath time. I’m trying to be creative with ways to entertain him and make things fun but am getting weary. Any advice on how we can correct him?

Q: Our 7-year-old son is very negative about everything. He’s a middle child, so that may have something to do with it, but everyone else in the family is happy, positive, optimistic. He never has anything positive to say about anything. Things the rest of us enjoy he says are “stupid” or “dumb.” We are starting to not want him around us, which is causing us guilt. He’s also often this way around his friends and other people. We’ve tried talking, but that’s gotten us nowhere. We hesitate to punish for fear he can’t help it. Any ideas?

One of the reasons that parents fail at solving discipline problems is they try to solve too many at once.