Why is it that the only time anyone asks me if I'm sure about something is when I'm deleting a file on my computer or a TV show on the Digital Video Recorder?
I'm deleting e-mails in the trash bin of my Yahoo account, and it asks me:
“ Are you sure you want to delete all the messages in this folder?”
Yes, I'm sure. And it's not a folder, it's the trash. The e-mails are in there for a reason, it's called “trash” for a reason, and I'm now trying to delete it for a reason. So yes. Yes, I'm sure.
But that's not good enough for these Yahoos. They want to make double sure. So they ask again, but they ask in a way that makes me stop and second guess myself:
“ Are you sure you want to permanently delete the selected messages?”
Oh. Permanently delete. Who wants to do anything permanently? The only thing permanent in my life is a Sharpie that I use to write my kid's name in his ball caps.
And then there are the DVR people. They want to cover me, too. I see my recorder is 98 percent full, so I try to erase a show. And I see this:
“Are you sure you want to DELETE Dora the Explorer?”
Like I'm killing her, or something. It makes me paranoid, like I shouldn't do it. Like they know something I don't know. I'll somehow be sorry if I do it.
Why so ominous? It's e-mails and reruns of “The Hills.” If you really want to dissuade somebody, do it somewhere important. Like the grocery store. Instead of asking “credit or debit?” the card reader should ask:
“Are you sure you want to eat all the food in this bag?”
Then follow it up with:
“Are you sure you want to DELETE your waist?”
Talk about decreasing obesity in this country…
Or at the doctor's office when you think having a baby is a great idea. You step on the scale and it asks:
“Are you sure you want to add another person to this scale?”
You hesitate. But you say yes. And then:
“Are you sure you want to permanently delete your freedom and more than three consecutive hours of sleep?”
Hmm, well, since you put it like that…
If my baby monitor would ask the same hard-hitting questions as my DVR, I'd feel better about my decisions as a mother:
“Are you sure you want to DELETE diapers?”
“Are you sure you want to permanently delete all confidence of containment on the off-chance your preschooler can make it to the bathroom?”
Probably not. If I were constantly being asked if I'm sure, I'd probably never potty-train. Or have children. Or eat. All I'd have is the entire season of “The Hills” and a bunch of junk mail, because I can't even be sure about those.
“Are you sure you want to DELETE being asked if you're absolutely sure?”