Living

May 24, 2014 12:00 AM

Summa cum lawd-loudy

For reasons that I can’t fathom, unless it’s because I write too often about flatulence and the TV characters that I believe are my Real Family, nobody has ever asked me to give a commencement speech. After 20 plus years as a syndicated humor columnist, it’s a rather embarrassing hole in the old resume'. It’s not that I haven’t hinted about my availability. But usually the response is on the order of a rather underwhelmed “Well, yes. Uh. I guess you could sit in the balcony with the screaming babies but it gets pretty hot up there.”

Related content

Comments

Videos

More Videos

Health officials encourage long acting contraceptives 01:50

Health officials encourage long acting contraceptives

What to do when you meet a python 01:06

What to do when you meet a python

Man with dementia hears music from his era and lights up 06:21

Man with dementia hears music from his era and lights up

Dr. Bill Thomas on how to play 'Life's Most Dangerous Game' 01:45

Dr. Bill Thomas on how to play 'Life's Most Dangerous Game'

Veterans get preview of new Charlotte VA Health Care Center 01:47

Veterans get preview of new Charlotte VA Health Care Center

Cleveland Clinic performs first successful uterus transplant 02:09

Cleveland Clinic performs first successful uterus transplant

Warner Robins, Ga., 'Biggest Loser' contestants talk about weight loss 01:22

Warner Robins, Ga., 'Biggest Loser' contestants talk about weight loss

How Zika spreads (and who's to blame) 01:13

How Zika spreads (and who's to blame)

Researcher takes close look at Zika-carrying mosquito 02:16

Researcher takes close look at Zika-carrying mosquito

Eugene "Gene" Woods, New Carolinas Healthcare CEO 02:03

Eugene "Gene" Woods, New Carolinas Healthcare CEO

Zika virus could spread to all the Americas 00:33

Zika virus could spread to all the Americas

Researcher's discovery could lead to blood test for breast and pancreatic cancers 02:38

Researcher's discovery could lead to blood test for breast and pancreatic cancers

Share Video

Entertainment Videos