Q: I'm married, but for the past seven years my wife has had no time for me. She obviously no longer loves me. We stay together because we can't afford to live apart. We both work for the same employer but in different areas. About 18 months ago, I fell in love with a married co-worker. She seemed happily married until about a year ago. She shared all of their problems with me when she needed someone to talk to. I felt this brought me closer to her. About six months ago, she went to work in a different part of our building. Every time we ran into each other, I realized how much I missed her. I think about her when I go to sleep at night and start thinking about her when I wake up in the morning. A couple of months ago, she told me that she had forgiven her husband for everything. I am devastated, thinking that I'm all alone again. I've lost something that I thought could make me happy. What should I do? I still want us to end our marriages and be together.
Mia: First, staying with your wife for purely financial reasons is a terrible idea. You need to start working on how best to divide your assets and separate. Once you are on your own, you can think about dating. But I think this infatuation with your co-worker is not the grand affair you've built it up to be. You're obviously starved for a relationship and the friendship seemed like more to you. This woman never promised to date you or leave her husband. I would steer clear of her.
Steve: You've got double trouble. One, dating a co-worker is always a bad idea. If things sour, you've loused up your social life and your work life. Two, this woman is married. Dating a married woman is really a bad idea. You need a serious discussion with your own wife about what kind of relationship you want. If you just want to be roommates, then you ought to divorce.