Honestly, I’d say breaking up is more fair than giving him ultimatums ad nauseam. Do you want to stay with him, if the “him” is who he’ll always be? That’s your bottom line. Some people err on the side of accepting too many caveats – their love temporarily supersedes the warning signs that will eventually grow into bombs and drive them apart. Others are quick to dismiss people almost as a Seinfeld-ian game, because they’re really more interested in the sport of dating or the theoretical checklist than they are in the sometimes-messy – but often amazing – possibility of connecting with someone who’s not their perfect “type.”
If you’re not at either extreme, there’s a much better chance you’ll make the healthiest choice, even as he continues to reach for the Marlboros.
No good reason? Is it not valid that a dad doesn’t want to be apart from his kids for a month? Let’s say hypothetically that’s not even it. It still makes sense that as your kids get older, the vacation schedule might need to morph into something new.
But one spouse dictating what “should” be the case is not helpful, and I wonder if your husband realizes that his words carry the additional emotional weight of making you feel that your culture is being devalued. In a private conversation, try to convey to him the psychological value of the trips. In return, you can try to find ways to build that up outside of these summer stays and acknowledge that a month away might very well be too much.