Presumably if she’d been this intolerable before, your friendship would have never survived the minefields of babyhood. Now, she’s suddenly very stressed. So tell her you’re concerned, that she seems not herself, and you wonder what’s going on under the surface and how you can help. That’s being a friend, even if you don’t know a curriculum from a kumquat. Co-crusader? No. Listener, stress-reliever, empathizer and alternative-solution-bringer-upper? Absolutely.
I can understand your unease, given that their closeness serves as a reminder of the fact that he loved another woman before he loved you. But is it really fair to expect him to cut a supportive parental figure out of his life? Building a life with you doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game against someone he’s come to love over the course of a decade and a half.
Andrea Bonior is a psychologist and author of “The Friendship Fix.” www.drandreabonior.com