And you should tell her specifically why her antics make you uncomfortable: “I understand you’re nervous, but it makes me even more nervous when I feel like you’re trying to change me. I promise to do my best to make a good impression. But I will still be myself, and I think that should be good enough.”
Being present at someone’s funeral need not serve as an endorsement of that person’s character. You don’t have to say how lovely she was or that she’ll be deeply missed – and saying nothing is better than launching into a laundry list of the times she picked apart your weight. View this as a time to be with your family. It might even be a moment of unity and compassion that defiantly springs from your grandmother’s cruelty.
Andrea Bonior is a psychologist and author of “The Friendship Fix.” www.drandreabonior.com