Q: My husband and I had said that we would start trying to conceive around now, but I’m feeling like it isn’t the right time for children. There is instability in my job, and there are some health problems in my in-laws’ family. My husband says these shouldn’t be reasons for us not to start trying, and that it might take a while to conceive anyway. I just don’t feel ready, but he is accusing me of backing out of our deal.
If you’re truly on board with children, a delay in the game plan can be understandable. Life happens. But it’s only workable if you can set some specific parameters about exactly what needs to change and by when. If you’re delaying having kids in the way that the “gentleman” in the other letter on this page is delaying leaving his wife, then that’s a conversation that shouldn’t be delayed at all.
This is especially true in your situation, where the nuts and bolts of your daily life’s structure won’t look that different after you’re broken up. And then you need friends, new interests, laughter, changes of scenery and, most of all, an exploration into how he came to get such a hold on you, despite what was best for you.