Q: I’m tired of my situation – broke and with a man who only searches out easy jobs, never anything challenging or that would bring in more money. We’re having a baby, and I feel alone. All he does is smoke weed and “hang out.”
A: It does no good to pine for a time machine, but I must ask: Were there parts of him that made you think he would be a worthwhile father and partner when you decided to have a baby? If so, hang on to those parts – nourish them, encourage them and do what you can, together, to maximize them.
Perhaps he’s depressed and needs treatment. Perhaps he needs some job-search help. Perhaps he could use a nudge toward coping strategies other than weed. If he’s always been motivation-challenged, however, you’ve got to figure out whether this is what you want and whether you’d be better off going it alone emotionally, logistically or financially. No matter what, invest in your support network to better build a foundation to take care of this baby, which you may be parenting mainly by yourself – whether you’ve broken up or not.
Q: It is obvious that my best friend at work (a guy about 10 years older than me) is having an affair with our boss. He denies it, but I can tell by the change in behavior in both of them. He’s divorced, she’s married. He is digging himself a professional grave, and I can feel our relationship suffering as well. Help!
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A: If he’s denying it, there’s nothing more you can do. And honestly, it’s unlikely that you could advise him of anything he doesn’t already know. But have you considered that your Affair-O-Meter might be overly sensitive? Or that your frustration about the situation might be getting too personal?
I’m not suggesting that you want him for yourself – I’m not even sure of your gender, relationship status or sexual orientation. (Ah, anonymity!) But it could be that you’re feeling understandably threatened by your boss’s intrusion into your friendship. Unfortunately, that’s not going to have much bearing on his decision to get googly-eyed with her at meetings. Say your piece, then take him at his word. It’s the only choice you have without creating your own story arc in this soap opera.