Do these words resonate with you: Brest Friend (yes, breast is spelled wrong!), Diaper Genie, reflux and onesie?
If so, apply some powder over those dark circles, put on a shirt that doesn't have spit-up on it and hop into the minivan (or go crazy and use the husband's sedan!) and enjoy “Mother Load,” a one-woman show that pokes fun at everything mommy.
Actress, comedienne and mom of three Amy Wilson wrote the show, which she will also perform the first two weeks of its monthlong run in Charlotte. (Betsy Stover will finish the run.) Wilson's other acting credits include “The Last Night of Ballyhoo” on Broadway, sitcoms “Norm” and “Daddio,” and movies “Kinsey,” “Kissing Jessica Stein” and “Ira and Abby.”
In an almost stand-up comedy routine, Wilson makes fun of what moms love to take uber-seriously: the hunt for the “right” preschool, organic baby food and the ordeal of childbirth. And everybody gets a gentle poke: grandmothers, preschool directors, dads and especially moms themselves.
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Charlotte is the show's first stop on its 30-city tour. It recently wrapped up a nine-week off-Broadway run.
We spoke with Wilson, 38, about the perils of modern-day mommyhood.
Q. As a mother of three kids (Connor, 5; Seamus, 4; Maggie, almost 1 – yes, there's Irish blood in this brood), are you officially outnumbered?
Well, yeah, I do often feel outnumbered. But when both boys are in school, I'm a mother of one again. And any number less than your total number of kids is easier.
Q. What's the difference between boys and girls?
When we took our daughter to the beach, she didn't eat sand. I was shocked.
Q. Are you taking the kids on the road with you as you perform the show?
I'm going to bring the baby. I'm still nursing. And I'll fly home on breaks. I have a babysitter we use when we go on vacation in Florida. She'll come up to Charlotte with me.
Q. Why perform in the show?
I'm an actress who has three kids. I find performing it so gratifying, seeing parents young and old identifying with parts of the play. And it's so fun to hear from people after the show about their experiences.
Q. Is the show man friendly?
It's definitely a show a husband can enjoy. You might have to drag him there, but he'll end up loving it.
Q. How did you have time, as a mother of three young children, to write the play?
You make it a priority. I wrote it three years ago, when my oldest went to nursery school, and I got a babysitter for my baby. I've written solo shows before, but this is the easiest thing I've written because there's so much material.
Q. Do you update the show with new material?
I just put in a new section about the dangers of Thomas the Tank Engine (which recently had a lead-paint scare). When I go to a new city (to perform the play), I try to find where people go, what they're talking about. I know some people through Bank of America and Wachovia I'll be talking to.
Q. What prompted you to write about motherhood?
I'm a total control freak, but you cannot meet the expectations of today's mother. We all feel our mini daily failures – the milk isn't organic, my kid didn't wash his hands before dinner. A lot of women went to college, made law review, can be completely confident in the workplace. But when we're mothers, that confidence disappears.
Q. What's your latest mommy failure?
I just took my 4-year-old to the eye doctor and found out he's color-blind. He can't tell the difference between red and green. What does that mean going forward? He can't be a pilot or join the armed forces. Now, I'll lay awake tonight and worry: What if he wants to be a pilot?
Q. What's your next project?
I want to do this as long as I can. I love performing it. Hopefully it will become a book; that's my next project. I think it's a message worth delivering: Stop trying so hard and just enjoy your kids.