The cable company gets it right for once

04/19/2010 12:00 PM

11/17/2010 4:19 PM

Well - it's official. Our society is now completely and perfectly compartmentalized. I thought the cable people would never get on board. But now that they have, our digital channels are finally organized by theme.

What a load off. In a world where everything has its place, it's amazing they were able to get away with it as long as they did - recklessly adding new channels and just putting them anywhere, with no rhyme or reason, in a big ol' scrambled mess. The fact that SpongeBob aired just one channel away from CNN was just irresponsible.

I mean look around, that's just not how we live. You're never going to find meat in the dairy section. You won't find socks in the underwear drawer. You won't even find a navy blue sweater at The Gap in a pile with the powder blues. Everything must be grouped and separated.

So it's a relief that the Faith and Inspiration channels are now separate from the Shopping channels. After all, we don't go to church at the mall. They are separate entities, and it's about time the cable company recognizes this.

I'm disappointed that TLC and Discovery are grouped together. I've always thought they needed more distance between them. I can't tell you how many times I went to watch "A Baby Story" and landed on "Deadliest Catch." Scared me half to death.

But I'm so pleased the children's shows are lumped together for easy display - gets the fighting about what to watch started quickly. And the sooner the fighting starts, the sooner I can send them to their rooms and catch "Oprah."

I'm dying to know how this happened. It had to have been some sort of intervention. Like the California Closet people got together with the CEOs of Harris Teeter, The Container Store and Microsoft Outlook and showed up at the cable company. And then very politely told them that they had a problem and needed help. That they were living in chaos, the channels were out of control, and it wasn't fair to all the people in their lives who have cable.

So good for them for listening and taking this step. And reminding us that everything can be organized. And is. Except for flea markets. But that is what makes them so successful, because it's the only time we can wander around for nine hours not knowing what we're looking for. And sometimes that feels really good.

So, it's done. Our television channels are catalogued. Now. Does anybody know what channel "Lost" is on?

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