From mama to cha-cha
09/26/2010 12:00 PM
11/17/2010 4:19 PM
I see "Dancing With the Stars" has cranked up again. I'm not a fan, but I am fascinated how it is that these Moms are able to go from a quick errand to the Quick Step overnight.
Kate Gosselin, Kristi Yamaguchi, Marie Osmond, Jennie Garth . . . at what point in your day did this idea come to you? Were you at Rack Room trying to get the "Buy one, get one 50 percent off" deal? And then stumbled into the sandal section and decided you need to learn to tango on TV? Because in eight years of having children, I never fancied learning the Viennese waltz.
And what is the conversation you have with your family? I would think a mom telling her husband she's dumping the kids with him to go dancing with another man would require the presence of two really good attorneys. And someone from child services.
What does she do about carpool? I mean, any of us are willing to cover a mom if she's got a sick child or a doctor's appointment. But I can tell you, no one is going to cover someone for eight weeks while she works out her fox trot.
And the transition - from mama to cha-cha. I would think going from a Tretorn tennis shoe to a 3-inch heel would be like learning to walk again. And you're not even holding a bag of groceries. How are you supposed to balance?
And no mom in her right mind has worn silk or satin in years. I heard that after 10 years a mom develops an allergy to fine fabrics and can't even let them touch her skin. I would think being squeezed into a satin frock covered in choking hazards such as sequins, tassels and feathers would put her in an absolute apoplectic state.
Not to mention she can't remember when she last shaved her legs.
I am in awe of any mom who can remember 50 intricate dance steps - in order - when she can't remember which child, gets out at what time, from which school. And after finally finding the perfect undergarment to lift and separate, now she's gotta shimmy through a jive? Unimaginable.
I'm just glad you don't have to be famous to be on the show anymore. Bristol Palin's on there. She's a "Public Advocate for Teen Pregnancy Prevention." Well so am I. And I know her mom is Sarah Palin, who was Miss Wasilla. Well, my mom was Miss Cary. So I'm just as qualified as Bristol.
But if ABC called me and asked me to ditch my kids, come to LA, throw on a sexy dress and heels and waltz around the big stage while the lights beamed and the cameras rolled, do you think I would do it?
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