Not many folks are going to expect a dad blogging on a mom’s site to post a blog about shoes. But, ladies, I like to talk about shoes as much as you like to buy them. Okay, maybe not that much, but I do have some strong opinions about some forms of footwear. This is not along the same lines as my fashion dislike of pirate pants (although, if pressed I will tell you certain women’s shoes that I hate). Really, I don’t care what kind of footwear you choose to wear, as long as it doesn’t impose on my mental wellbeing. Unfortunately, that still leaves a couple of things for us to discuss. Starting with:
Don’t misunderstand, I do personally like to wear flip flops. To me they are the coolest and most comfortable piece of footwear in the summertime. I like that I can slide them on easily when I’m heading out, and can kick them off easily when I come back in. I even like the way you gals look in flip flops. While not necessarily a “foot man”, still, skin is skin, and for me it’s in!
So, why bring these thongy things up here?
Thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack.
Like a lisping duck, only more annoying. That’s the sound I estimate 60% of flip flop wearers make when they walk. And it drives me nuts.
Over the summer I had a rare afternoon chance to visit, sans two year old, one of those large bookstore chains. I had to leave after five minutes as I swear every single person in there was walking around letting their flip flops make that annoying “thwack” sound.
I’m not sure why I can somehow walk around and not have the back of my footwear pop and snap up on my heel while a majority of flip flop wearers can’t. Interestingly, I’ve noted that many of the folks guilty of this flip flopping annoyance are also gum poppers.
The topic of unnecessary footwear noises brings me to something I’d forgotten about but was reminded of last week at ImaginOn.
Kids wearing those squeaky shoes. I think they’re called WeeSqueaks.
Surely you’ve seen and definitely heard the kids wearing these. There is a little dog toy squeaker or something stuck in the heel of each shoe so that with every step your child makes it sounds like someone has just stomped on Rover’s squeaky mouse. And toddlers take a lot of steps. Especially when each step is accompanied by a shrill squeak.
The websites claim that these shoes help your child learn to walk. Sure. It truly is a marvel that humans have evolved into bipeds without having this fabulous technology sooner.
Seriously, though. If you really think this thing is going to help your kid learn to walk and you don’t mind the constant squeaking, then go for it. But for the love of God, don’t make them wear those things at the library or anywhere else in public. It’s driving the rest of us crazy and all you’re doing is raising future noisy flip flop wearers.
Side note: When researching this topic I saw a quote from another blog that I would like to share with you because it sums my feelings up succinctly. "What's more annoying than a three year old? A three year old wearing squeaky shoes". HaHa! So true.
Speaking of unnecessary children's shoes I also really hate those dumb:
Heelys. You know, the shoe with wheels hidden inside.
Most places where shoes are required aren’t really places where one would expect to be able to rollerskate.
School, church, the library, the grocery store, Target, the pharmacy, the mall. These are all places where I have seen some young whippersnapper zip right past me almost knocking people over while they zoom by oblivious to everyone else. I not-so-secretly hope that the wearer of these shoes falls down every time I see someone with them on. Not hoping that they'd get seriously hurt, but just enough that their parents would rethink the "kids with wheels on their shoes every-freaking-where" concept.
I'll stop here, but I could go on. I hate those knee-high stormtrooper boots women wear in the winter- especially when paired with a skirt. I think it's ridiculous to wear a shoe with the toe shaped like a pizza slice. But, again we're getting into the realm of fashion vs. upsetting my delicate sensitivities and I promised I wouldn't do that here. Still, if you have any concerns about the appropriateness of your footwear choices, feel free to leave me a comment.