There is a quiz application circulating around Facebook right now titled something like “Five Things I Hate That Everyone Else Seems to Love”. I have avoided using the application because it just shows your friends a five item list of things you “hate” without any explanation.
Now, I don’t particularly care for women wearing those pirate pants, for example. But would I go so far as to publicly state that I “hate women wearing pirate pants” without a little clarification? Yaarrr, I don’t think so, Matey. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the convenience of a comfortable pant, I just don’t like the style. It’s not the woman, it’s the pants.
It's not that I'm totally opposed to the Five Things concept, and as I’m admittedly an ornery fellow I don’t mind discussing five of the things I am particularly not fond of here. Starting with:
#1. Cell Phones
I don’t deny the utility of the cell phone. But I have owned two in my life, and they haven’t been fancy and I’ve gotten by just fine. They don’t send touchscreen faxes, surf the ‘hypersphere 3GS network’, and I didn’t realize I could text with them until ‘MommaDean’ started texting me last year. I don’t get the thrill of the cell phone or iPhone and why the driver of every car flying past me on the road has one held up to their head.
Which brings me to:
#2 Bluetooth Earpieces
You look ridiculous with one of these robot cyborg earpieces stuck on your head. Ridiculous.
I believe their technical name is "ear dongle". That the word "dongle" was chosen- of all possible words- to descibe this thing should tell you something there. Few people are so important that they can’t take the time to lift their phone up to their head when walking around Concord Mills. And, going back to #1 above, few people are so important that they need to carry on 45 minute cell phone conversations at Concord Mills to begin with.
#3 Chewing Gum
I hate the smacking, the chomping, the popping, and the smell of someone chewing gum. I also hate stepping in it. I wonder if the person on the other end of your Bluetooth dongle can hear your smacking and chomping as well as I can?
#4 Not Using Turn Signals
I can’t read your mind… I have no idea why you’re slowing down in front of me. Is there a child in the road? Are you having a heart attack? Wait! You’re so busy talking on your cell phone that you can’t be bothered to flip the little switch up or down. If only you had one of those robot earpieces both hands would be free.
#5 Big Government
Oh boy. This should be a fun one.
I really, really, really don’t care to get into a political debate right now, but if the answer to the question or issue is “the government really needs to look in to that”, or “more regulation is needed”, or “we need someone to make sure this is fair”, let’s just say that the chances are I disagree with you.
So there you have it, my top five (as of this moment) list of things I really dislike.
I could go on- I don't care for bands with numbers in their name (I'm talking to you Matchbox 20, 3 Doors Down, and Maroon 5). And don't get me started on celebrity gossip and the magazines devoted to that perversion.
Hmm.... upon reviewing this list it appears that I have some kind of hang up about cell phones (pun not intended). If only the government could do something to regulate their usage around me I guess I’d feel much better.