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It is impossible to reconcile our conflicted feelings, which is why most of our time is lived in a state of unrest. How can everything be the same when it is completely different? Getting back to our old status quo will never happen; trying to figure out our new one will be a lifelong process... It surprises me how some people expect us to be back to ‘normal’, and how violated they are to discover we’re not; after all, so many months have passed… I have a news flash for every one of them: there’s no going back. Dying changes everything…
My ‘abnormal’ behavior has caused more drama at the office; once again, the same people are complaining I don’t work enough hours compared to them or as hard as they do, amongst other things. It doesn’t matter if my work is always done, without fail, without mistakes; the only thing that matters to them is my schedule isn’t fair. Yeah, right. The boss is okay with it and with me. I briefly considered making an announcement over the intercom: ‘Attention please, important life lesson to follow: life isn’t fair. Someone will always have something you want; you will always have something someone else wants. Deal with it. And by the way, anytime you want to compare your life to mine, bring it. I’m ready.’ I’m trying to hold my family together; that is my number one priority.
The aftershocks from last week’s passive-aggressive quake have forced his hand; my boss finally realized I’m seriously over this situation. I told him our next confrontation will probably be our last. One of us will be exiting the building forever, most likely me… He got on the phone, found a candidate, interviewed her and then offered the office manager position; she starts in a few days.
She seems perfect, possibly heaven sent; just in time to save me, or actually us... I hope and pray she is the one, but no matter what, I cannot put myself through this again. It’s about the only thing I’m sure of right now…
We are giving away ‘Remember Brian 06-12-08’ bracelets again for the second anniversary. Please email firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested with your mailing address & I will gladly send one (or more) to you! Also if you are in need of a replacement, I have plenty to share!
Wishing you many blessings, sunshine and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays. -- Jen, site administrator