Trot, Old Joe, trot, Old Joe
You ride better’n any horse I know
Trot, Old Joe, trot, Old Joe
Never miss a local story.
You’re the best horse in the country-o
-Traditional Children’s Song
Today Jane and I had quite an excursion to our local Harris Teeter for our weekly grocery shopping.
Years of shopping with Jane has taught me that we will have a better shopping trip if she brings a “lovey” on the trip with us. So before heading out to the store today I asked Jane to pick an animal from the toy bin to go with us.
“Where we going, daddy?” Jane asked.
“To the Hottie Teeter!” I explained.
See- there’s kind of a running joke a bunch of my friends and I have about the Harris Teeter grocery store in Dilworth. We’ve each noticed, independently, that any time we’ve been there- day or night- one tends to spot attractive, well dressed, young urban professionals of both genders shopping. So we’ve dubbed it “Hottie Teeter”.
Anyway- Jane picked her stuffed horse, Joe, to bring with her. Jane is big into babies right now and informed me that Joe was a baby horse today and would need his pacifier (which, for Joe, is really just an old coffee sample cup from Trader Joe’s that she puts over Joe’s muzzle). So, Jane, Joe (with pacifier in hand), and I headed over to the grocery store.
As we enter the building, Jane and Joe riding in the shopping cart, Jane loudly exclaims/raps, “ La-di-da-di we lookin’ for Hotties ”. I have no idea where she’s heard that before. Who knew she was such a Slick Rick fan?
I think a few eyes looked up at Jane’s comment… I noticed a woman on the other side of the produce aisle, in particular, do a double take. She definitely shot me a disapproving look 30 seconds later when, while explaining what the asparagus we were purchasing was, I said, “Yeah! It’s really yummy and you know what else?? It makes your peepee smell really funny!” Clearly this person has never tried to get a 2.7 year old to try to eat asparagus. If smirks could cook asparagus ours definitely would already be done.
I noticed several times, as Jane and I would go down each aisle (Joe riding stuffed into a cup holder on the cart handles), different folks looking at us and kind of laughing a little. Now, I’m not bothered being a stay at home dad doing grocery shopping, so I was pretty sure they weren’t laughing at me, but I was starting to wonder what in the world was so damn funny to them.
Then I really took a good look at Joe.
Here’s what Joe looks like using his “pacifier”
Here’s what Hannibal Lecter looks like in The Silence of the Lambs.
I think they may have been separated a birth.
I mean, really. No wonder folks were laughing. I’m actually laughing while I type this. Both of them even have that kind of crazy look in their eyes and everything.
We ended our trip with Jane and Joe/Hannibal riding the thrilling Harry the Happy Dragon ride outside the store. In Jane’s mind it was the best 50 cents ever spent, but Joe and I remain unconvinced.
Either way, we will look forward to checking out the Hottie Teeter again next week. Perhaps we’ll bring Joe, or perhaps another lovey will get a chance. Perhaps we’ll pick up some fava beans and a nice Chianti, too.