Sometimes you have to give up something good to make way for something that’s even better… Unfortunately, what’s ‘better’ isn’t necessarily obvious or immediately evident. Or so I keep telling myself.
John’s elation continues…putting some distance between himself and what he believes to be the biggest mistake of his life has unleashed a euphoria the likes of which I’ve never seen before.
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My reaction, however, has been quite the opposite. I left a renovated, organized, and spacious home and moved into a shotgun-style cottage 1/5 th of the size of the house we sold. As I spent every minute leading up to ‘closing day’ closing out our lives in Farmwood, I had no time to think about, much less plan and set up our new living quarters. Nothing fits like I hoped it would. Everything is cramped, crowded and piled up along the perimeter and carport…it’s driving me crazy.
So after living in chaos for weeks, I finally had a complete meltdown, my first since the whole ‘sell the house saga’ began. It was inevitable, really… I knew once the exhaustion wore off, all of the emotions I’ve been too tired to deal with would catch up and come out.
John doesn’t understand it. He keeps saying, “This was all your idea. Why are you so upset? I thought this is what you wanted to do.”
So what if it was my idea? I suggested it because I knew with absolute certainty it was the right thing to do, even though I didn’t truly want to do it. It’s called free will submitting to faithful obedience…
I’m trying to embrace the change, as I have no doubt it was meant to happen. But it’s hard. Fifteen days isn’t enough time to put away our stuff, much less process all that has happened. I haven’t had the chance to properly mourn what can best be described as the end of our active parenting days…leaving the home I loved…the last place we all lived together…the house we worked on as a family…
Up until we signed the papers, I was far too busy let myself feel anything but driven.
But if I’ve learned nothing else over the last six years, I know that the only way to get through something is to actually go through it.
So I am. One breath at a time…letting the heartache in, taking the first steps toward letting it go…
Sorry I’ve been away for several weeks…hopefully I will be back on schedule now!
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