So I’m watching a preview for a new TV show called “Extreme Guide to Parenting.” And it shows a mom spraying her children in the face with some sort of mist from a bottle. The children wince and cough. And I cannot even begin to guess what she is spraying them with – or why.
At first glance, I think it’s sunscreen. But she wouldn’t spray it all around their eyes. Same if it were bug spray. Plus, she’s in her house. And while we are happy to spray chemicals all over our children, we don’t want it on our furniture.
Then I think maybe it’s that Fairy Tales lice repellent that you use on your hair. But since she’s spraying it in their face, she would have to have really bad aim. Or the child would have to have really thick eyebrows.
It could be a hydrating mist. I once used a facial spritzer to moisten my skin each morning. But people kept mistaking it for perspiration and thought I was a terrible sweater. I finally ceased using it when someone stopped me on the street and politely asked if maybe I was having a heart attack.
Now, in the next scene, the clip shows the Mom spraying it at her husband. And the thought crosses my mind that maybe it’s some sort of magic potion to make him look more attractive to her.
And I really think I’m onto something, when she sprays herself, because I figure she wants to reciprocate and make herself more attractive to him as well. But their faces stay the same. So either they’re immune to it, or maybe it’s not a magic potion after all – although it could just be expired.
It could be a stimulant. It makes you want to clean your room, take out the trash and wash the car. With a tingling agent that makes you really excited about doing it.
Could it be something she concocted for the beginning of the new school year? Like a chemical mixture that makes you more focused and able to absorb larger volumes of material, by moistening and opening your pores.
Or maybe it’s a bullying deterrent, something that smells rank and keeps people from wanting to approach you. Or a perfume that smells good and makes people want to be your friend. Maybe it’s just Perrier water, and she’s rationing it. I do that. I only give my kids little sips of mine.
Finally, I Google the show. And it turns out it’s an aromatherapy synergy spray, a fragrance used to alter a person’s behavior or mood before they go out and do anything. Wow. I would love that. If you could put sleep, yoga, Chanel No. 5 and a Grande Latte in a bottle and spray it at me, I’d be good to go.
But I’d still look sweaty …