If you’re a devout Catholic and a U.S. representative watching the pope address Congress, which of the following actions do you take at the close of his speech?
A. Pray. B. Cross yourself. C. Shake hands with His Holiness. D. Storm the lectern and steal the Pope’s water glass.
Apparently it’s D.
Because as the pope left the congressional chamber last week, Rep. Bob Brady (D-Pa.) grabbed Francis’ drinking glass, took it to his office and drank from it. And so did his wife and some staffers, with the rest of the water being bottled and saved to bless his grandchildren.
And why would the parched politician purposefully poach the pontiff’s perched glass from the podium?
Because “anything the pope touches becomes blessed,” Brady said. “How many people do you know that drank out of the same glass as the pope?”
None, fool. We’re approaching cold and flu season. Plus I think there’s something about thy not stealing, nor coveting thy neighbor’s beverage. Throw in sin and social media, and you become a famous soulless criminal. With a runny nose.
Soon to be infamous. This is his second swipe. Brady also took the glass used by President Obama at his first inauguration. The congressional klepto keeps it in a curio cabinet in his home. And now, to his political pinch, he will add this latest spiritual snag.
I feel sorry for those grandkids. Instead of being willed valuable coins or baseball cards, they’ll be inheriting grandpa’s stolen glass collection. And it’s not even a full set. At least get two more – maybe a glass from Michael Jordan and Charles Manson. That way he’ll have political, spiritual, physical and mental. Throw in Paris Hilton and John Boehner, and he’ll have social and emotional and can call it the Experience Series.
Maybe he can hit the next round of presidential debates. He can lift Donald Trump’s champagne flute, Ben Carson’s cordial glass, Rand Paul’s double old fashioned glass, Marco Rubio’s water pitcher, and Chris Christie’s beer mug. I doubt he’ll get ahold of whatever Hillary drinks out of. I’m sure her water is handed to her by a private server.
I’m sure Brady’s at the U.N. headquarters right now. They’ve got over 150 world leaders drinking water over there. But security is tight. And he’s gonna need a bigger curio.
And about security, how’s this guy getting so close to our world leaders that he’s able to lift their glassware? What a pain for the Secret Service. They have to protect our presidents and pontiffs, and now our planet’s china? And all because of a congressman with grubby hands looking for his next piece of glass.
What Brady really needs are plates. And some utensils. If he starts stealing dinnerware now, he could have a whole place setting by Christmas.
I’ll drink to that.
Curtis: firstname.lastname@example.org; @TracyLeeCurtis1