I’m a technology holdout. I was determined to never text. I didn’t want to link in to anything, or have my face booked, or twitter totter all day. But I’ve learned that without it, you don’t see, hear or know anything, and so it’s not possible to hold out on social media – unless you want to end up in a bet that Jay Leno still hosts “The Tonight Show.”
But there’s one Net nuisance I’ve successfully held out on. And that – is Netflix.
Like I really have time to watch TV in the first place. Even with DVR, I rarely get to watch what couldn’t be watched to begin with. So why watch what I wouldn’t watch, after I failed to watch it, way back when? Whatever.
But what if I did? What if I went on one of these Netflix binges everybody’s talking about? If I had Netflix, I’d go on a “West Wing” bender. But then what? It’s not like I can race into work and talk about how I can’t believe Leo McGarry died – it was 10 years ago.
Is that why they call it binge watching? Because just like binge drinking or eating, you have to do it alone and then not talk about it the next day?
I guess the trick is to figure out what everybody else is watching. And then determine who’s watching responsibly and who’s over-indulging. I prefer to watch in moderation, but if everybody’s already wasted on “House of Cards,” I’m gonna have to watch a lot, and fast, if I’m going catch up.
Maybe that’s what social media’s for. Download the app, upload the movie, tweet what I’m watching, text the episode, then start a group chat on Facebook.
But how would I ever catch up? Everybody got drunk on “House of Cards” with the release of Season 2 in its entirety. And what’s up with Kevin Spacey’s Southern accent? It’s like “The West Wing” meets “Steel Magnolias.”
I have to wonder what happens to a person’s mind when they binge on Kevin Spacey. If I sat and watched “Glengarry Glen Ross,” “The Usual Suspects,” and then “Seven,” I would be rendered disturbed, depressed and in no shape to drive soccer carpool. Seriously, if I’m going to binge on something around here, it had better be laundry, yard work and interesting ways to use the slow cooker.
And I don’t appreciate this new form of peer pressure, this isn’t the KA house. And just because “everybody’s doing it” doesn’t mean I have to shell out $8 a month to get totaled on TV shows through a device the size of a credit card.
But then my son says we can run it through the Wii. So it’s on the TV. Hmmm … tempting. So okay, Kevin Spacey in the White House. He ain’t Rob Lowe – but what’s one little drink …
(To be continued)