A baby not her own: a surrogate's tale

06/04/2014 6:29 AM

06/04/2014 6:40 AM

Written by Stacey Ashe

The thought of carrying and delivering twins is exhausting, but the idea of carrying those twins and handing them over to another family is emotionally and physically overwhelming. But that's what Charlotte mom Stacey Ashe did - 3 times - as she worked as a surrogate. In this 8-part series, Ashe dispels the myths and and shares the truth about being a surrogate and how someone becomes a mom.


Part One

sur·ro·gate

noun : a person or thing that takes the place or performs the duties of someone or something else

Let’s talk surrogacy.

Now, if this terms makes you think of turkey basters, piles of cash, and crazy news stories, you’ve probably seen a few too many talk shows! In reality, there are many people that use surrogacy as an option to have a child, and it’s much less dramatic than people think.

And while many people think of surrogacy as an option for couples who cannot get pregnant, few think about the actual surrogate – the person who carries and delivers a baby for that couple.

I’m one of the people who has been a surrogate.three timestwins each time.

I’ll let that sink in for just a moment.

Yes, I carried six babies that weren’t mine, and I gave them over to their parents at the end of long pregnancies and went home to my own children.

I will start by saying that I really don’t like the term ‘surrogate mom.’ To me, ‘mom’ is reserved for those who have the crazy, wonderful, overwhelming, and awesome job of raising children. It’s a title that needs to be earnedjust carrying babies is the easy part, and doesn’t get to earn the term ‘mom.’

“How did you get into this?” is the question I am asked the most by people. The answer, however, is not so simple. My husband and I looked into it for lots of reasons, but the biggest one was realizing how blessed we were to have two healthy pregnancies and children ourselves, and wanted to be able to give that gift to someone else.

As a mother, I can’t imagine the devastation of wanting to have a child and not being able to. As I reflected about my own pregnancies and how easy they were for me, I thought, "Why not help someone else to experience what we had?"

Most people assume that I became a surrogate for a family member, but before we began the process, we were all strangers. With the help of an agency we were matched with couples, and they weren’t strangers for long - nothing brings you closer than carrying someone’s babies!

I hope through this blog to share some insight into the realities of surrogacy. There are many misconceptions, which I learned first hand from the many crazy questions that I got while I was pregnant with all three sets of twins and the reactions I received.

My hope is to dispel some myths and get at least a few people to realize that it isn’t really such a crazy thing to help someone else earn the title ‘mom.’


Coming next week: Part two: How much money do you make? And other silly surrogacy questions

stacey headshotStacey Ashe has been a surrogate three times (delivering twins with each pregnancy!) and is the mother of three amazing children of her own - two boys, and one girl. Stacey and her husband recently adopted their daughter from China, id a Registered Nurse, and is studying to be a Nurse Practitioner. She's not your average mom, and likes to stay busy all the time.

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