Dad-dee, tell me a story.
OK. Once upon a Friday night, a new pro basketball player named P.J. Hairston went to the Fresh Market to buy fruit.
I know, but that’s how this story goes. So he goes to the Fresh Market in Chapel Hill on Friday night to buy fruit, and he runs into Josh Gordon of the Cleveland Browns.
Just wait. So they meet and get to talking, then they walk outside and somehow Gordon sees Hairston’s car. Gordon suggests they trade cars for awhile.
These are grown-ups. So Gordon takes P.J.’s Cadillac Escalade and P.J. takes Gordon’s Mercedes.
Dad-dee, if a man you just met at Fresh Market wanted to trade his shiny new Mercedes for your old Dodge minivan full of child booster seats and Animal Cracker crumbs, would you do it?
Of course not, but P.J. likes to be generous, so he did it. And they drove off in each other’s cars.
Yeah, well, you’re right.
Gordon gets arrested in the Mercedes a few hours later and is charged with drunken driving. And the guy who bails him out of jail is a party promoter named “Fats,” who just happens to be the same guy who improperly got P.J. a car back when he played for Carolina. But, see, P.J. didn’t know anything about “Fats” and Gordon being together.
Nobody really knows. I think it’s like a personal shopper of some sort.