“Donald Trump had his first official meeting with a foreign leader as president-elect. He met with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in New York. The meeting actually got off to a rocky start. Trump asked the prime minister if he could teach him how to do the crane kick from ‘Karate Kid.’ ”
“Hillary Clinton was in our nation’s capital last week. She confessed there were times in the past week she just wanted to curl up and never leave the house again. That’s when Bill stepped in and said, ‘Oh, yes, she will.’ ”
“At the end of the speech, Clinton said America is still the greatest country in the world — and then she got on a plane and flew to Sweden, where she will live out her remaining days on Earth.”
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“Trump’s transition continues its transitioning. Don’t know a lot about what’s going on, but I do know that his team has not yet called the Pentagon, possibly because he knows more than the generals. Or maybe he’s never going to call them. He’ll just launch a literal tweet war: ‘@Pentagon, please bomb Syria. #LyingNewYorkTimes.’ ”
“Trump doesn’t believe in global warming, calling global warming ‘very expensive BS.’ Of course, ‘Very Expensive BS’ is also the motto for Trump University.”
“Joe Biden and Mike Pence had lunch together. Pence was like, ‘I’m eager to discuss the issues facing our nation.’ While Biden said, ‘If you tell the waiter it’s your birthday, you get a free piece of cake.’ ”
“Carrie Fisher said that she went public with her affair with Harrison Ford because she felt like she waited an appropriate amount of time. Specifically, she said it was ‘a long time ago in a Winnebago far, far away.’ ”