“We had a bunch of big football matchups Sunday. You had the Eagles against the Giants, you had the Patriots against the Texans, and you had the president against everybody.”
“Trump tweeted that players standing with locked arms for the national anthem is OK. Incidentally, people standing with locked arms is also the plan for his border wall. ‘Red rover, red rover, don’t let anyone come over.’ ”
“A new study said that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, ‘You want to say that to my face?’ ”
Never miss a local story.
On President Trump’s comments criticizing N.F.L. regulations on dangerous head-to-head contact: “Forget being president, what kind of a human being wants more brain damage? How can one person be on the wrong side of everything in history? I’m just waiting for Trump to be like, ‘What’s with all these seatbelts, folks? I remember a time when people weren’t afraid to go through the windshield headfirst. Dust yourself off, shake hands and do it again.’ ”
“Let’s take a quick tally of all the Hillary things the Trumps have done now: private emails, working with Goldman Sachs, being shady with foundation money. I wouldn’t be shocked if we found out that they’re also wearing pantsuits in secret.”
“Twitter announced yesterday it will be increasing its character limit from 140 to 280 characters per tweet, on a trial basis. So we’re now officially at war with at least 17 more countries.”
“Nike released a statement yesterday in support of "athletes and their right to freedom of expression." Then they introduced a new line of $400 ‘kneeling shoes.’ ”