From: Donald Trump
To: Federal Aviation Administration
People are laughing at you. The Chinese are laughing at you. The Iranians would love to abuse you in negotiations. And the Mexicans, the ones who aren’t doing all the raping, they’re laughing at you in Spanish.
The FAA’s decision to disassociate itself with the Trump brand is a joke. You should ask the airline pilots before you rename the navigational coordinates that they use to fly in and out of Palm Beach International Airport.
I know many pilots, and they all tell me that they love using the navigational points named DONLD, TRMMP and UFIRD.
And now you want to change these names to something not associated with the Trump name. Why? Because I’m controversial?
That’s not what I hear. If you go on my Twitter account you will see nothing but people telling me how much they like me. In fact, there’s not one bad comment about me.
Here’s a sample from williamonlyrent: “Only good candidate in this GOP field is you sir! Go Trump.”
I don’t know William or what he only rents, but he’s got 30 Twitter followers and he makes a lot of sense. If you don’t believe him, just ask some of the people who were paid $50 to hold up campaign signs for me.
They all tell me I can make America great again. It’s amazing how much people need Trump.
I’m only controversial to losers, like Macy’s, NASCAR, NBC, Serta, the PGA, and most performers whose names end in a vowel.
And I don’t need to associate myself with mattresses, department stores or sporting events that are weak on border security.
Let’s face it, America is not sending its best people to attack me. And it’s sad.
As for the FAA, you should be more worried about that loser Palm Beach International Airport, which should be moved away from my private club at Mar-a-Lago.
Earlier this year, I sued that failing county and its pathetic airport for $100 million for deliberately flying planes over my place.
So you’re too late, FAA.
The FAA can’t disassociate itself from Trump over the airport, because Trump has already disassociated himself from the airport.
In other words, you can’t fire me. I’ve already fired you.
But I do think you owe me for using my name all these years.
See attached $500 million lawsuit.
My lawyers tell me it would be wise for you to settle it before I become president, when your main concern will be thinking up clever names for drone flight coordinates over the new 2,000-mile wall on the Mexican border.
Govern yourselves accordingly, FAA, and God bless America, even the loser parts.
Frank Cerabino writes for The Palm Beach Post.