“Think about it. Just six days from today, we'll know for sure exactly which candidate will be suing the other for voter fraud.”
“While CBS, NBC and Fox were showing the Barack Obama ad, ABC was showing ‘Pushing Daisies,' which I believe is the name of the McCain ad, if I'm not mistaken.”
“A Massachusetts Democratic state senator named Dianne Wilkerson has been arrested for accepting $23,000 in bribes. She was going to use the money for her re-election campaign. And the FBI has actual pictures of her stuffing the $23,000 in her bra. ... Isn't that great? Talk about putting together a campaign war chest.”
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“Barack Obama had a half-hour television special. Did anybody happen to see it? A half-hour, prime-time network television. I mean, it costs a lot of dough. And they say it was the most money spent by a Democrat for a half an hour since Eliot Spitzer.”
“Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first day of Sarah Palin's 2012 campaign.”
“On this very date in 1929, the stock market plunged 13 percent. Boy, those were the good old days, huh?”
“Yesterday, in Washington, I don't know if you heard about this, the Secret Service arrested a man who climbed over the White House fence. True story, yeah. Yeah, the Secret Service told the man, ‘Get back here, Mr. President. You have two more months.'”