Nothing makes for limerick fodder like a mayor charged with corruption. Alas, that news broke too late Wednesday, so our poets have one week to figure out words that rhyme with Cannon.
There were plenty of other topics in the news, though, and this week’s entrants seemed to be especially taken with Franklin Graham, toe-suckers and Starbucks selling alcoholic drinks. We hate to name the same winner in back-to-back weeks, but there was no denying John Long of Stanley this week’s top honors.
His take on the man arrested after sucking a woman’s toes at a Lincolnton Wal-Mart:
Long also weighed in on the Hobby Lobby case being argued before the Supreme Court.
And he worries about drinking alcohol at Starbucks:
Long’s son, Wes Long of Cramerton, has been watching a lot of cable TV coverage of the jetliner missing in the Indian Ocean:
Ken Burrows of Charlotte heard Jimmy Carter’s take on NSA spying, and wonders if even the Observer’s Limericks contest is under surveillance:
Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte isn’t buying the idea that Charlotte could land the NBA All-Star game if we spruce up Time Warner Cable Arena.
Finally, Phil Clutts of Harrisburg thinks Army General Jeffrey Sinclair maybe got off easy in his sexual misconduct trial.
As usual, we received dozens more outstanding entries than we could fit here. Go to www.charlotteobserver.com/limericks to read more. And then get cracking on Cannon.
(Send all entries to tbatten@
Toe sucker at large! What a shock!
That guy needs a head-shrinking doc.
Though the law’s on his track,
Walmart wants him back,
‘Cause the gals are lined up ’round the block.
Regarding the requested improvements to TWC arena…
Hobby Lobby might see the world differently…
We’re losing the battle in our sanctions fight with Russia.
Job Creators, take note: Amelie's
Hires people with suspect CV's,
While betting their cash on
Misfits with passion
To purvey their muffins and teas.
It’s like the news cycle’s on hold,
The same stories, and they’re getting old.
Airplane, ash, and Crimea.
Sure would be nice to see a
Lake Flasher, but it’s too darn cold.
His discomfort with gays, that I get,And he’s free to express it, and yet,
To announce that he’s rootin’
For Vladimir Putin?
Someone tell Franklin just to say, "Nyet!"
The Queen City has earned adulation
As a much to be envied location
But the drive into work
Is hardly a perk
The commute has become a staycation
Franklin Graham, I think it's ok,
Telling "sinners" that they've lost their way.
Yet the words that you use,
echo unChristian views.
We're all children of God, straight or gay.
I can help with those shoes, said he.
I'm a student of Podiatry.
Though he sucked on her toes,
could be worse I suppose,
If he studied Gynecology.
While Russia returns to Ivan the Great
Ukraine fears the enemy at the gate
The Allies they will scold
And leave Putin in the cold
To which he replies, I could have had a G-8!
The Army was forever in great despair
in regards to the illicit military affair
But it wasn't Crimea
Or pesky old North Korea
It was his privates that did in General Sinclair.
When the Fed Bank chose GM to bail,
They announced it was too big to fail,
GM hid conditions
Of faulty ignitions.
Is their management to big to jail?
Fellow soccer moms, what do we do?
At Starbucks, chardonnay and fondue!
Where we once went for joe,
They now let the wine flow.
Call a cab. It’s a quarter to two.
General Jeffrey, you need to atone.
Poor command of your privates you’ve shown.
The judge all but dismissed
With a slap on the wrist.
But your shot at five stars has been blown.