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Bless their hearts.
That's about all I can say to whoever came up with the idea in the new book "Miracle on the Hudson" - the idea being that the passengers handled the crash with grace because most of them are Southerners.
About two-thirds of the 155 passengers on that US Airways flight are from the South - many from the Charlotte area. As they evacuated the plane in the icy Hudson River, they helped each other make it to safety, and the men made sure women and children were rescued first. "Perhaps it was because it was a plane full of Southerners," say the book's authors.
I guess Northerners would have clawed for the exits like lions after a wildebeest.
This notion of Southern gentility generally comes from someone who is not actually from the South. So maybe it's time to tell a few secrets. (Fellow Southerners, I'm sorry, but it's time. We can't let them be ignorant forever.)
Let's start with the beginning of this column. Some of you might be under the impression that "Bless your heart" is a compliment. "Bless your heart" is a complex phrase, with many shades of meaning, but here's the one thing it never, ever means: "Bless your heart."
Here are a few things "Bless your heart" can mean:
You don't have the sense God gave a two-by-four.
I don't think Architectural Digest will be taking pictures of your house anytime soon.
If your boyfriend was any uglier, people would start asking if he's a pointer or a setter.
As a rule, the more sweetly a Southerner smiles when she says "Bless your heart," the quicker you should check your back for knife wounds.
Now let's take the sentence "Come on over to the house sometime." There is a small chance that, when we say this to you, we actually do want you to come to the house sometime. Here is a checklist:
Are you skilled at home repair?
Did you recently come into some money?
When you visit people, are you known to bring liquor?
If any of those things are true, feel free to stop by. If not, please realize that "Come on over to the house sometime" really means "If we ever see your car coming up our driveway, we'll turn out the lights and hide in the bathroom until you leave."
What we have, in the South, is not manners but the sheen of manners. It's like a nice mahogany veneer on top of particle board. In truth, we're like everyone else - generally nice, often kind, sometimes cranky and gossipy. We just come from a culture of smaller towns, where everybody knew everybody, and you had to be civil to people because you'd see them again. Tomorrow.
And you know what? It's better this way. Better to wave than not wave. Better to say good morning when you could care less about anybody else's morning. Just as long as everybody understands.
There's enough to love about the South. No need to claim the goodness that helps people survive a plane crash. That's human goodness. This time it just happened to have a Southern accent.
I hope this makes sense to all y'all who aren't from around here. If not, we can talk about it. Come on over to the house sometime.
