OK, I figured out what bothers me about baseball. Nothing ever happens.
There's a guy pitching to another guy, hoping he'll hit it. Hoping to put the ball in play so the game can start. But there's no guarantee he'll hit it. There's no guarantee that anybody will hit it. In fact, it's such a possibility that no one will hit it, that there's a term for it. It's called a No-Hitter. It's the only sport that has a term for “nothing happened.”
They even created a position dedicated to catching the balls the batters don't hit. The Catcher. He gets paid a million dollars to keep a four-hour game from turning into an eight-hour game, by saving the batter from having to run after all the balls he misses.
But they're hopeful. They have a term for if somebody actually hits the ball, even though nothing happens.
A Perfect Game – a game where they hit the ball, but no one ever makes it to a base. To me the perfect game, at least the perfect game to WATCH, would be everybody hitting it and getting on bases and making runs and scoring runs. That sounds perfect to me.
I feel bad for the batter because it's all on him. He's trying to get the game started while nine guys in the field watch. While his 25 teammates watch. While 30 guys in the dugout, 45,000 people in the stands, and millions at home on their couch watch.
No wonder he can't hit it.
A sport with the most people involved, seems to have the least amount of action. Not much happens in golf, but at least they are in constant motion the entire four hours. In baseball, if somebody does hit the ball, the action lasts 10 seconds. And the guy's only gone 90 feet.
Best-case scenario: He does the biggest thing you can do in baseball, which is hit a Home Run. But even that only takes 20 seconds, and he ends up right back where he started. Meanwhile, Phil Mickelson ends up in the clubhouse with a beer in his hand.
Do you know how many pitches there are?
Fast Ball, Knuckle Ball, Spit Ball, Screw Ball – 10 ways to throw it, but only one way to hit it. Seems to me they should throw it one way and come up with 20 ways to make contact with it.
But here we sit. Watching one guy throw a ball to another guy while somebody stands in the middle and takes swipes at it. If you think about it, it's really just a nice little game of catch between the pitcher and the catcher. And every now and then somebody interrupts them by hitting it. Baseball is interrupted catch.
I guess that's why every dad on the planet takes his son out to play catch. Because in the majors, if you're the pitcher or the catcher, then you are really playing baseball. And everybody's watching.