We thought no James Bond movie could have a worse title than “Octopussy.” We were wrong. The movie with the worst title in the franchise's history opened last week: “Quantum of Solace.” We know it's the title of a story by Ian Fleming. It's still awful.
This makes us nostalgic for other movies with horrible tags:
“Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”: Fans of the video game it's based on understood it. Nobody else did.
“The Human Stain”: Is this something you clean off the baby car seat?
“The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!”: Can't the rats eat the werewolves and all the humans live happily ever after?
“Gigli”: By the time we ran through all the pronunciation options (“giggly”? “jiggly”?) and got to the right answer, “zhee-lee,” the critics had chimed in, and remembering the name became pointless.
“Krakatoa, East of Java”: Krakatoa is west of Java. Inaccuracy honorable mention: “Leonard Part 6.” There were no Leonards Part 1 through 5.
“Phffft”: This sounds like a release of bodily gases. Gassy honorable mentions: “Eegah” and “Ssssssss.”
“Hells Angels On Wheels”: Where else are Hell's Angels supposed to be? Redundancy honorable mention: “Attack of the Beast Creatures.”
“Feeling Minnesota”: The low point of the gerund trend. Gerund honorable mention: “Serving Sara.” Both titles sound like porn.
“Free Willy”: This sounds like porn, too.
“Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feeling So Sad”: Just stunningly awful. Eclipsed only by:
“Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?”: ‘Nuff said.