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The truth is, I’ll miss Brian Williams’ hair

Oh, I am going to miss Brian Williams, especially now that he is a five-time Grammy winner.

OK, I’m kidding. The truth is I don’t honestly care that Brian Williams turns out to have a small problem with “truthiness,” as Stephen Colbert might say. He stole that from me, btw.

Williams has put himself on double-secret probation for who knows how long, and I don’t know how I’m going to cook dinner without his soothing, mellifluous tones telling me what kind of day the nation has had. Seriously. Do not know.

Sure, he stretched the truth a bit, but haven’t we all? You say po-tah-to. Admittedly, claiming that your helicopter took on enemy fire when it didn’t, is tacky when you’re a journalist, but that’s the thing. I never thought of Brian Williams as a journalist so much as a genial, approachable news reader with warm twinkly eyes and a relentlessly perfect head of hair.

It’s really all I expect from my news anchors. Nice diction. Great hair. No opinions. And Brian Williams delivered all of those things every night while wearing a suit that probably cost more than my car.

Brian, who, it turns out, isn’t in line for pope after all (just as well, who would want to hide that hair, am I right?), has always been my nightly news anchor of choice.

I’ll be honest. Every Friday when he said “I’ll see you back here on Monday” I honestly felt like he was talking only to me. And, as I gave another stir to the spaghetti sauce, I would answer back sometimes, “You sure will, Bri.” Of course, I should also mention that cooking at night is when I do my heaviest pinot grigio drinking.

I’m like Ramona on “Real Housewives” when it comes to the pinot grigio, particularly if it has been a long day of taking on enemy fire.

As I watch Brian’s lovely daughter on “Girls,” I have often commented to Duh Hubby, “I hope her Daddy ain’t watching this.” Particularly That Scene. Some of you know the one I’m talking about.

And this is because Brian Williams did exactly what an imaginary friend is supposed to do. He comforted and reassured. I want only good things for him and his super-slutty daughter. Oh. Sorry.

It’s understandable that he got caught up in the excitement of being a field reporter where things go boom.

I hope he comes back to TV soon. But I’m not counting on it. Once word leaks out that it was Brian Williams, not Harper Lee, who actually wrote the “To Kill A Mockingbird” prequel “Go Set A Watchman,” well, he’s going to be very busy with book tours and promotional events. Who knew Williams kept a tiny, wrinkled Lee in his coat pocket all these years feeding her only Fritos and lint?

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