Carolina Bride

Say What?

Every woman I have ever known has been able to communicate her feelings through verbal communication and physical expression. The concept seems so simple but it’s quite complicated. I think communication is something we as women have been graced with – and cursed with. We never seem to have a difficult time conveying our feelings – usually those that are disapproving – to the opposite sex.

Webster’s defines communication as, “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” I wouldn’t deem the communication system as common given how much gets lost in translation between men and women.

Men simply do not communicate the way women do. If you expect your husband to be one of your girlfriends, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Men communicate their love by being faithful, hardworking and respectful. They tend to aim for results and take action rather than talk things out. Being married brings along new tasks, challenges, obstacles and experiences. Communication is vital in maintaining openness and closeness with your spouse. The last thing you want is for your husband or wife to freeze up and restrain their feelings. If you want open communication, try to balance both the positive and negative things you relay to one another.

A close friend of mine has a true knack for “over-communicating” and unfortunately, it’s with negative comments. This phrase may not be in the Webster’s dictionary, but it’s in mine. Over-communicating occurs when you declare your feelings a little too frequently over miniscule items that should not be stressed upon. In observing, I have noticed how her husband immediately tenses up and his communication lines close down. He submits to her demands and fails to voice his own feelings.

The best advice I can offer to a fellow newlywed stuck in the trials and tribulations of communication is to listen. The more open you are to hearing your spouse's side, the more open they will be to sharing their feelings and hearing yours.