She got fat; now he wants a trade

Q: My wife and I have been married six years. We're in our mid-30s now, no children, and I am seriously contemplating divorce. Here's why: I work out at the gym to keep my weight down. My wife, however, has really let her weight get out of control and has gradually become unattractive to me.

Steve: What? You mean an attractive woman let herself go downhill after finally getting a man to marry her? OK, before Mia pounds me for saying that, I suggest airing your feelings with a marriage counselor. You also need to examine why you fell in love with her. I hope it was more than just her physical charms. Before you give up, try some professional help.

Mia: Weight issues aside, Steve, what's this about “finally getting a man to marry her”? That sounds like a sexist presumption if you ask me!

But back to the weight issues. Steve is right about getting counseling. Maybe your wifey is gaining weight because she's depressed, or there may be a medical reason. Be man enough to encourage her before deciding she needs to be replaced for a fitter model.

Married, living apart

Q: My husband and I have been married one year. Because we work in different cities, we've been seeing each other only on weekends. I found a job in the city where he works, but when I suggested I move in with him, he put me off. He also admitted to having an affair after we'd been married for three months. I think he wants me to disappear, because he is a wealthy man and does not want to give me anything if I divorce him. What should I do now? ?

Steve: It sure sounds like he's given up. Ask him straight out if he wants to be married. If he says yes, explain to him that being married means you live together. If he can't accept that, you need to dump him and see a lawyer.

Mia: Some married couples do just fine living in different cities, but it's apparently not working for you. Also, explore why you believe he thinks you want some of his Benjamins if you divorce him. Why should you be entitled to that after only a year of marriage – much of it spent apart?