Q: My buddy is totally promiscuous, sleeping with anybody he can. Most of these women he doesn't even care about. We're in our 20s. I tell him he's developing bad karma, but he says the women enjoy it too and that everyone is having fun. I am sort of jealous, but that's not my style. Do you see any harm in his playboy behavior?
Steve: I don't know about bad karma, but, to paraphrase Ayn Rand, “You are who you do.” And that would make your pal what the elementary school nuns called “a common article.”
The problem here is immaturity. He is hung up on the superficial and doesn't understand how much deeper and better a real relationship can be. Most men figure this out. The ones who don't, the Peter Pans, are pathetic figures when they get into their 40s and 50s.
Mia: It sounds like your pal is kind of a jerk to women, but so are most guys in their 20s. Most likely he'll grow out of it, but you can't really do much about it if he doesn't. Focus on your own dating and set a good example. And if it upsets you, don't go out with him to bars where he tries to pick up women.
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Not best reason to marry
Q: Is it wrong to get married for the medical benefits? My boyfriend and I have been together about eight months. I really love him, and I know I'd want to marry him eventually. I lost my job last month, can't find a new one and don't have any benefits. My boyfriend works for the city and gets a great benefits package. We'd probably wed eventually anyway, so why not do it now?
Mia: I think marriage is tough even when you go into it totally in love and for all the right reasons. So to me, this sounds like a risky plan. What if you get a new job in six months, with benefits, and realize you got married for the wrong reasons? Sounds pretty upsetting.
I say COBRA your old health care for a couple of months while you job-hunt. You'll find something. And get married when it feels right for both of you.
Steve: Sounds like you want a friend with benefits. What you're suggesting isn't the stupidest reason to marry, but it's not one of the better ones.