I’m kind of new at dating but my friends have told me that by date No. 3, I should be ready to have sex with a man. They even suggested I carry condoms in my purse. I don’t think I'll be ready. Is this a deal breaker for most men?
I always give my clients this advice about sex … There are no rules for the right time. Truthfully, today most men 50 or older want to get to know you first too before hopping into bed with you. They have their own sexual issues and need to feel secure that you are going to be safe to share this side of their life with, especially since the media portrays men as always wanting and able to have sex.
It’s fine to hold off having sex until you are ready to have sex. In fact, if a man pressures you, it means his agenda is sexual – not relationship oriented. And it really does show disrespect for you if he’s not willing to wait until you’re ready.
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Your friend’s idea of carrying a condom is SMART! You should! STDs including HIV are on the rise so you want to protect yourself!
Enjoy yourself with a new man. Kiss, hug, touch and only do what feels good to you and trust your intuition to guide you. You'll know when it’s right for you. If he’s a good man, he'll wait … and if he exits because you make him wait … let him go. You want someone who is going to make sure you always feel emotionally and physically safe.
She’s 50, with an 8-year-old
I'll be 50 this month but I got started kind of late in life with children. I have a child who will be 8 this year. Are there men out there who will date me?
The answer is yes but your selection will be slimmer to choose from, especially if you are looking for a mate.
Most men have raised children already and aren’t interested in a second round. But that being said, some will be. If you can date to date – meaning just date and have fun – dating should be easier for you.
You don’t need to mark yourself as ‘not datable' for the next 10-12 years. That’s not fair to you. You do deserve a life with a companion if you desire one.
It may just take some patience along with dating a lot of men to find someone agreeable to your situation. Don’t give up and keep us posted on how it goes.
What if he doesn’t call
Recently I emailed two different guys online who both gave me their phone numbers to contact them. I did not call but in my return email I gave them my phone number and said I look forward to hearing from them. Neither has called me. Shouldn’t a guy make the first contact if the woman is willing to provide her phone number?
Great question. I want you to understand that when you make first contact by writing a man, they will often write back because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. But the email chain often fizzles because men like being the pursuers of the women they are interested in. Men are constantly being rejected by women online.
To avoid being put in this position over and over again, men will offer you their phone number first. And some men offer it as a way of making you feeling safe if giving out your phone number feels uncomfortable.
Now if you’d like a man to call you first, you'll want to lead him to step up and be your hero by saying, “I feel more comfortable when a man calls me first … would that be ok with you?” When you just offer your number, you can come across as aggressive and again, it can put you in the position of pursuing him versus the other way around.
Try this tip out and let me know how it works for you. I think you'll see a big difference in your results with men when you lead them to call you.
Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!” Find out more at Findaqualityman.com