Advice and instructions for my young daughter, Conley:
• Stay off the pole!
• Don't start cursing until you have earned the right to do so. And, when you have gotten to this point, learn how to do it in a casual but colorful manner. Don't do it all the time. It takes away the power.
• Very few people, if anyone, can make sateen work.
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• Don't ever say "whatever," especially while simultaneously rolling your eyes, to your father.
• Don't peak in high school.
• Have loyal girlfriends.
• Classic styles have earned that reputation for a reason.
• Everyone has an awkward stage, yours will pass.
• It is cool to be quirky.
• Watch your preposition placement.
• Be kind.
• You are from the House of Lewis and not the House of Wales - you are not a princess.
• Love books, plays, movies, books, fashion, sports and trout fishing, ATV riding, how things work and campfires.
• Embrace your unique name. You are named after some of the finest women in the world. There is plenty of ordinary going around.
• You are walking a fine line when it comes to addiction. Please be careful.
• Never, ever wear clear heels.
• Say hello, thank you, and you're welcome.
• Don't sit in the middle seat of a pick-up truck if there are only a total of two people in it.
• Your father loves fart humor, you mother loathes it - you decide.
• Looking presentable is never a crime.
• Proper hygiene is not an option.
• Don't take yourself too seriously. Laugh at yourself.
• Develop a large vocabulary but don't use it to make others feel small.
• Sunglasses and sunscreen are your friends.
• Say I love you everyday.
• Don't ever make the mistake of being disrespectful to your elders. The punishment will be swift and creative.
• Be adventurous.
• Dance and twirl.
• Be extremely certain about a tattoo. If you grow up to be a marine biologist that specializes in dolphins then it may be okay to get a dolphin tattoo.
• Stay true to yourself. You are absolutely incredible - trust me.
• Appreciate table manners.
• Hangovers hurt.