Soshally Awkward: Never, ever wear clear heels

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Advice and instructions for my young daughter, Conley:

• Stay off the pole!

• Don't start cursing until you have earned the right to do so. And, when you have gotten to this point, learn how to do it in a casual but colorful manner. Don't do it all the time. It takes away the power.

• Very few people, if anyone, can make sateen work.

• Don't ever say "whatever," especially while simultaneously rolling your eyes, to your father.

• Don't peak in high school.

• Have loyal girlfriends.

• Classic styles have earned that reputation for a reason.

• Everyone has an awkward stage, yours will pass.

• Read.

• It is cool to be quirky.

• Watch your preposition placement.

• Be kind.

• Smile.

• You are from the House of Lewis and not the House of Wales - you are not a princess.

• Love books, plays, movies, books, fashion, sports and trout fishing, ATV riding, how things work and campfires.

• Embrace your unique name. You are named after some of the finest women in the world. There is plenty of ordinary going around.

• You are walking a fine line when it comes to addiction. Please be careful.

• Never, ever wear clear heels.

• Say hello, thank you, and you're welcome.

• Don't sit in the middle seat of a pick-up truck if there are only a total of two people in it.

• Your father loves fart humor, you mother loathes it - you decide.

• Looking presentable is never a crime.

• Proper hygiene is not an option.

• Work.

• Don't take yourself too seriously. Laugh at yourself.

• Develop a large vocabulary but don't use it to make others feel small.

• Sunglasses and sunscreen are your friends.

• Say I love you everyday.

• Don't ever make the mistake of being disrespectful to your elders. The punishment will be swift and creative.

• Be adventurous.

• Dance and twirl.

• Be extremely certain about a tattoo. If you grow up to be a marine biologist that specializes in dolphins then it may be okay to get a dolphin tattoo.

• Stay true to yourself. You are absolutely incredible - trust me.

• Appreciate table manners.

• Hangovers hurt.