As I mentioned last week in my Only One blog, my wife and I have mutually decided to only have one child, both for the reasons mentioned there and for other reasons I chose not to share with the world at large. It seems most folks are supportive, even our parents (who obviously would love to have more grandchildren, but I think understand that we are trying to make level headed decisions about our family). It was a little flattering to hear folks saying things like, “Yeah, but you’re one of the good ones! You’re supposed to have more kids!” I appreciate all of the kind words, but as one who doesn’t lightly jump into any decision my choice was already made.
So the question remains- what exactly is the best method for helping to ensure we only have the one child? Well, as a man I’m not really sure I can completely condone the most sure fire way to prevent pregnancy. At the same time I’m not comfortable with my wife taking different cocktails of hormones every month, either. No, what I want is something easier.
I have noticed from various Stay at Home Dad forums that an apparently inordinate number of us at-home-dads have put ourselves through the vasectomy procedure. I think this speaks volumes about the rewards of staying home with your children. Even those of us who have happily made the decision to stay home with our progeny- in fact even love doing it- are still willing to have a stranger stick needles, knives, metal clips, and even shoot lasers into our nether parts to make sure we don’t have any more to stay home with.
After some deliberation with my wife we decided that the best option for us was for me to call and schedule a vasectomy. After a series of setbacks from making the call- like, ummm, the dog had to go for a walk, it was rainy, I lost the number, I forgot, the bathrooms had to be cleaned, etc.. I finally made the call. I should state that my six months (yes, at LEAST six months) of delays were not because of some lingering doubt about the decision- rather I have a rather severe dislike of needles, doctors, and medical procedures in general.
Finally, I knew it was time to put up or shut up so I reached for the phone and dialed the number.
I’m sure they thought someone was making a prank call as I hung up the first time they answered. Really- what are they thinking answering on the first ring? Guys need some time to work up what we’re going to say. Geez- everyone knows that. Come on, I’m scheduling a delicate medical procedure on my delicate male parts. I’m not so much into customer service here as I am a little space and time to work out the right words.
Well, after finally reaching someone and not hanging up on them I actually scheduled the appointment. It was remarkably easy to do- I handled it like a man and I don’t think I even blushed as the attractive sounding lady on the other line mentioned that I’d need to bring some samples back up to three to six months after the procedure. Heeheehee... now I'm blushing.
So, it’s been scheduled. For this Friday. And, throwing all tact and class aside I have decided to provide this wonderful mom’s forum with something every truly wonderful mom’s forum needs- a vasectomy story.
Now, I know, I know… some of you are already getting faint at the idea.
“How can he put himself through such pain??”
“I can’t imagine how awful it would be to have a small incision made on a numbed body part and then covered with a bandaid!”
“The horror! Imagine going into a procedure knowing that it will take 15 to 30 minutes of your time. Can you even finish reading the waiting room copy of Time Magazine in that time?”
Well, you can trust me, gentle reader.
My promise to you is that I will tone it down.
I will filter out all of the gory details: all the blood, sweat, tears, and even bandaid removal tribulations. The tale to follow will all be moderated to be no more disturbing than the relative ease you experienced during a routine ten hour labor and subsequent delivery of an tiny eight pound infant. Now, if only I had the luxury of nine month’s preparation leading up to this like you did….but alas that’s just part of the curse of being a man. We men have to fly by the seat of our pants without the months of planning you all clearly need.
P.S. If any of you are interested in sharing the pain- er.. I mean... ah, signing your spouses up, a terrific resource can be found on the net at: http://www.vasectomy.com