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It was there the last time I forced myself to go to that tainted place, roughly a week or so before Christmas; I left a wreath with a pink bow tied around the middle…
Beth found out from our cousin Ashleigh; Ashleigh heard it was missing from Nicole. Ashleigh and Nicole are in nursing school together; Nicole knows us (her dad, John, is a good friend of John’s) and when she noticed its absence, she mentioned it to Ashleigh, wondering what happened.
Beth totally flipped out and called to see if I knew anything. I don’t have a clue. I’m completely ignorant. I have some ideas, I can speculate, but in reality, I’ve got nothing at all.
Since I visited in December, holiday cleanups have occurred, decorations have been taken down, removed and/or disposed of, and we’ve had snow. Most likely it was picked up before the snowfall and discarded with other Christmas debris… Or maybe someone living or working in the area tired of seeing it, deciding enough was enough, time for this crude reminder of yet another reckless teen to go… Hopefully it just fell over and was mistaken for trash, instead of being recognized for what it really was: the effort of Brian’s grieving family and friends to remember him, marking the spot where he was abruptly lost on one ordinary day…
It’s not like we have any ownership, any entitlement to the place, to the little spot on the grassy hill, aligned with faded spray paint marks on the shoulder of the road. But then again, in a way, maybe we do. Brian paid for it with his life.
The girls are going to build another cross and place it on the same spot. I’m not sure I can put into words why this trivial thing is so important to us, as it doesn’t make any logical sense. I think because the first one was thrown away, for whatever reason, it implies he didn’t matter, his life was meaningless… Somehow those white wooden sticks symbolize Brian…in a strange way it reclaims him from the violence which took him... The cross always remembers him there, even as people speed past without a second glance…
Wishing you hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays. -- Jen, site administrator