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MC's tribute

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I close my eyes tightly and direct my thoughts to another place…  By refusing to look, I stand a slight chance of stopping the memories before they take over again.  As scared as I am of forgetting, at times I am more afraid of remembering…  Inevitably, I’m always drawn back… 

Sometimes I wonder if the outcome of June 12 has changed anyone other than us; did any of those with us that day come to view the world differently?  Did hearing the words no parent should ever hear, witnessing the death of a family, front row and center stage, have any impact beyond that single snapshot of time?

As I think about it, it’s funny how a room full of people can be present during a life ending event, and some exit, unscathed, maintaining their status quo, while others are incapable of being as they were.  Perhaps the explanation lies in the nature of the relationships prior to the moment in question…

Our co-workers were shocked, sympathetic, and sorry…but eventually, their old ways returned; long-standing patterns of behavior rule once more.  While I cannot say with certainty, I would imagine the hospital staff to be unaffected; if they internalized every lost life, how could they ever continue to do their jobs?  Only our friends, the Cannons, seem to be different; they have become even better friends, faithful companions as we struggle to carry on and face whatever comes next...

And yet Brian’s loss reaches even further into their home than I thought…their youngest daughter shared a recent school assignment with me this evening; her topic was ‘something I believe in’, an excerpt of which follows:

“I used to believe that nothing bad would ever happen to me. If I would ever fall over my bike, my mom would come help me with a loving hug and a band-aid.  If I would drop a ball in a game, my dad would give me encouragement and a kiss.  If kids would pick on me in the neighborhood, she would stop what she was doing and come see if I was okay, and play with me.  But I was wrong. Something bad did happen to me.  I hold it dear to my heart and I don’t think I will go a day for the rest of my life not thinking about it…  

…But losing Brian was like losing a best friend.   He was amazing, fun, charismatic, amusing, and hilarious.  I miss Brian like you would not imagine.  I just wish that one dumb mistake would of never happened. It would of saved people some much pain.  I used to believe that nothing bad would ever happen to me.  That you could fix everything with a band-aid and a kiss.  Bad things come and go but you have got to roll with the punches and stay strong.  Because if God brings you to it he will bring you through it.  Rest in Peace Brian Christopher Garlock  November 6th 1990 until June 12th 2008.”-MCC 3/24/2009

What a sweet and beautiful tribute… Only I weep for her loss of innocence…

I believe it comes down to this…those who really knew Brian and actually shared part of his brief time in this place simply cannot overlook his absence.  The ache in our heart is always there to remind us, which is a change in and of itself…

Wishing you sunshine and hope…tg

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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