Moms Columns & Blogs

Beth's Birthday!

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February 28, 2009  

They bubble and heave, simmering with a heat that is felt, unseen.  I sense pressure building, day after day, as the stream of routine but endless challenges cause us to falter and lose our footing, despite straining to remain upright.  I know an eruption is imminent, and like a live volcano, completely unpredictable…  I have no idea who will blow first, or when, or why, specifically; I’m learning sometimes all I can do is step fast, duck and cover until it passes.  Once it begins, it has to run itself out…  

Today marked a family milestone in that we finally reached the last of our ‘first’ birthdays.  Beth refused to allow me to bake her usual caramel birthday cake, stating ‘I can’t eat that cake without Brian here; he was always trying to sneak a big chunk before I blew out the candles.’  Good-bye to another tradition we cannot maintain…  We celebrated with oversized cupcakes in assorted flavors from the Polka Dot Bake Shop.  

Beth also vetoed my preparing her favorite dinner, chicken parmigiana, in favor of a family outing to Carraba’s Italian Grill with Sue and Ashleigh in tow.  At first, we were packed like sardines into a bar booth, which took the concept of togetherness to an entirely different level.  Eventually the adjacent booth opened up and the girls abandoned us (thankfully) so we didn’t end up entwining elbows in order to eat.  Overall it was a nice evening…   

Only the contrast of ‘what is’ versus memories of ‘what was’ hurt so much.  That is the constant in my life now…change.  Even after having survived so many firsts, I still have no better idea of how to handle them; practice does not make perfect under these circumstances…  

At least I can spot one obvious change for the better…Beth and Ashleigh (her cousin) are such good friends now.  How sad to realize it took losing Brian to bring them together; isn’t it funny how you can grow up with someone and never truly see them?  It’s yet another reminder to me of the importance of not taking the people in my life for granted…  

Wishing you blessings and hope…tg  

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator

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