Moms Columns & Blogs

Driving Blind...

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March, 2009

I am fear personified, right down to the white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel, tension filling every molecule of my being…

          Our first trip back to Boone since Christmas, attending the birthday celebration of my father-in-law & brother-in-law…

Hurtling down the Blue Ridge Parkway, a road I’ve hardly traveled in broad daylight, much less on a night such as this…

         

          My in-laws couldn’t wait to tell me they finally read ‘90 Minutes in Heaven’; I sensed a difference in them, a glimpse of promise, perhaps?  I’m glad I read it again myself a few weeks ago…I missed a lot the first time…

I’ve gotten much better at rolling with the punches, adjusting plans and changing timelines, but I really, really hate getting on the road this late and driving in the dark…

          John seemed to be having fun, though adult beverages had a role…  I was reluctant to make a big deal of our departure being delayed; we’ve committed to try and spend more time with all of our family, especially our parents…  Still, being there without Brian was very painful, since the last birthday bash in Boone included him…

I might as well be driving through bales of cotton…the air is dense, milky and swirling; I cannot see beyond the hood of our car…  I’m scared to slow down, petrified to speed up and our headlights are causing things to shape shift…

          What are the chances that two people of the thirty-something present tonight would share Brian’s birthday?  The whole six degrees of separation is more like two for me; my sister-in-law’s mom and my nephew’s girlfriend were both born on November 6…and the mom lost her sister at the age of 19 in a car accident…  When my nephew saw this newfound awareness dawn on me, he simply said, ‘I know.’ I am on the verge of a panic attack…the white sidelines keep disappearing in places… 

The safety of my family, of our lives are literally one steering mistake away from catastrophe; I have been praying without ceasing the entire way… 

          And suddenly, without warning, the veil of heavy fog lifted…

The drive down the mountain Saturday night was a brief physical manifestation of what our new life feels like; we’re always blindly heading down an unfamiliar road to parts unknown…

But my faith in His timing, His plan keeps me going, even though I cannot see a thing…  A coworker was returning home from a wrestling tournament in the Tennessee Mountains with his son, not far from where we were as the crow flies, at about the same time Saturday night…they were in a horrific accident, but survived and are recovering.  Again, what are the odds?  I don’t believe in coincidence, only grace…

Wishing you blessings and hope…tg

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator      

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