Moms Columns & Blogs

Out with the old...

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December 31, 2008  

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months…  The mismatched hands pursue their endless race; wadded up pages from my page-a-day calendar litter the floor…  Time’s passage cannot be refused, as it refuses to be denied…  

Ten…  Nine… Eight…  The big ball is starting to fall…  Seven…  Six…  Five…  The clock approaches midnight true, and I sit alone, considering my new reality…  Four…  Three…  Two…  Resolutions, now or never?!?  One…  Okay; I resolve to keep holding on…  

John and I started this evening with a trip up the road to Sue’s drop in; it would have been quite easy to politely decline, stay home and withdraw into ourselves…  On this occasion, however, I decided it was important for us to dig deep and go, at least for a while.  What better place for us to learn how to mingle again than this setting with so many good friends…  We had teenagers heading our way after 9:00, so if it turned out we were big downers to the celebration, we had a legitimate reason to duck out early…  

As usual, John turned into a pumpkin ahead of schedule and missed the big countdown.  My sisters both called right after the final notes of Auld Lang Syne faded away, their celebrations in full swing from Columbia to Middletown.  Ringing in the New Year at our house was far more subdued, in that Papa G. was sleeping, and most of the teens made themselves scarce when they realized Beth and I were on party patrol.  Grace really wanted to have friends over tonight; our rules were very clear…  Sadly, more than a few didn’t care to abide; most left without saying goodbye to me right as 2009 officially began.  Grace was pretty upset, but what could I do?  I will keep praying for their safety tonight...  

Like most people I know, on December 31st each year I have tried to take inventory of my life and commit to change something about it, ergo something about me in a positive way.  Out with the old, in with the new...  Unfortunately, I’ve had about all the new I can take.  Nothing is the same, we aren’t the same…every minute of every hour of every day is vastly different than before.  I certainly never thought I would find myself in this place at this point in my life, or for that matter, ever.  Losing grandparents or parents in your lifetime is understood and pretty much expected, but never, ever your child.  

How do you commit to change when all you know is change?  The best I can do right here, right now, is make a promise to not give up, and to keep my ember of hope aglow…    

My new year actually began on June 12…

Wishing you blessings and hope…tg

With many thanks to Darin Morton and Gary Cooper of State Farm Insurance, we have additional ‘Remember Brian’ bracelets to share.    Please send your request and mailing address to rememberbrian@mindspring.com . 

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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