Moms Columns & Blogs

Friendship, revisited...

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If I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, will I simply disappear?  I wish to be invisible so I can slip away, shedding all pretense of ‘I’m okay’ as I go, searching for a quiet place where I can simply be what I am, whatever that is…    

Our journey through the valley of shadows and sorrow continues, although I have no clue as to how far we have come, or if we have even moved for that matter.  The grieving process is still completely different and difficult for each of us, and quite disorderly in its progression; one tiny step forward may result in three giant steps back…  Since we have no choice but to live this unwanted life, we endure, defaulting to our original deal, surviving one breath at a time…  

Since we lost Brian, every single aspect of our lives has changed, friendships notwithstanding…  I understand there is bound to be collateral damage in those relationships; as a general rule, most people don’t like change, and we are altered in a way that most cannot ever comprehend…  Outwardly, we may appear to be the same, but sadly, we are not even close…    

For some, this is not acceptable; they want the old ‘us’, and anything less is not worth the trouble…  Beth came home from The Graduate last night, upset and ranting yet again.  Suddenly she is having conflicts with one of the managers, someone who previously was a very close friend.  Their disagreements have nothing to do with work, but rather with what happens after.  Beth’s main complaint was her friend had changed and she didn’t like it…  I suggested she think about it from the opposite point of view; the things they did before (after work), Beth no longer cares to do.  That being said, I then asked if it occurred to her that she was the different one of the two…  How easy it is to overlook the obvious, especially when it is about oneself…  Maybe this newfound awareness will help resolve their issues; only time will tell…  

Thankfully, not everyone has reacted to us in that way…  I don’t know what I would have done without the help of John’s golfing buddies.  Every single week, this brotherhood accords him an outlet and sense of solace which cannot be found elsewhere…  Sometimes John worries that it is only out of pity; given our situation, I think it safe to say he is not envied…  But mostly I think they liked him before, and still do, maybe even more so now…  After all, isn’t real friendship about helping each other, showing compassion and providing comfort, no matter what?  Perhaps that is wisdom which can only be learned through age and life experience…

Wishing you hope…TG 

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator    

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