Moms Columns & Blogs

Believing You Can

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‘Half of doing is believing you can’…    

This sentiment, declared on a painted tile, is prominently displayed on the mantle in our sunroom.  My sister Betsy gave it to me today before she left, intending it to be a source of encouragement in the face of my many, many doubts…    

What, exactly, is it, I believe I can do?  Share our story…  

The blog debuts tomorrow, coinciding with the Observer’s article about our losing Brian and the use of journaling as a coping mechanism.  I have been writing since the week after the accident, using it as a positive means to express some of my anguish, operating much like the safety valve on a pressure cooker.  Heaven knows, most days it feels like I’m living inside of one…  But can I take my rambling, runaway thoughts and shape them into something meaningful?  Will it make sense to anyone other than me?  Is it possible to tell our story without burdening the world with too much of our pain?  I don’t know…maybe…  

My overwhelming urge to share our journey through the valley of shadows and sorrow is both simple and complex…  I know there are others like us out there, having suffered such unspeakable horror, but I’ve no idea where.  I have yet to find any resource that describes this tremendous pain ‘in the moment’; someone needs to be that voice…why not me?  Since I am beginning at the beginning –starting with the last few hours of our old lives– I will be reliving it all, in excruciating detail.  I pray I can make peace with the demons and dark places during this process.  I’m hoping the blog will help someone else while simultaneously helping me…  At best, perhaps it will repay a trace of the love and support our family has known these last months; at worst, well, I don’t know.  But at least I tried…  

Am I qualified?  Yes and no…  I’ve never written anything of substance beyond personal notes and journal entries; however, I AM living the nightmare…  My press badge is my broken heart…    

I don’t expect it will be easy; nothing in my new life is.  But like the little engine that could, I think I can…

Wishing you hope…tg

Thanks to Darin Morton of State Farm Insurance, we have additional ‘Remember Brian’ bracelets to share; please send your request and mailing address to rememberbrian@mindspring.com. 

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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