Moms Columns & Blogs

Three More

Well, based on the overwhelming support of my “Five Things I Hate” blog and the equally underwhelming support of my “Music That Chills” blog I can see what you bunch of pirate-pant-wearing-mommas want.  And that’s snark. 

Well, if it’s snark you want, that’s what you’re going to get.  After quickly pounding out the “five things” blog I’ve noticed tons of other things I don’t care for, so I’ll share some more of those with you in a minute. 

But first, a little clarification.  I received some questions both here and on my personal email about what exactly I mean by pirate pants.  My own wife even wondered why I didn’t include a picture of them when I had so many other pictures in that posting.  Well, the flow of the blog is important to me and I just couldn’t find a terrific place to insert a picture of pirate pants that wouldn’t interrupt the flow of my prose-like text.  But, now I have.

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So, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum.  If you’ve got ‘em, be sure to wear ‘em on September 19th, International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Now that we got that out of the way lets move on to some of the other things I realized I don’t like but so many other people seem to.  Starting with a little controversy.

 #1  Those Darwin Fish automobile decals.

blog post photoNow, in addition to generally not liking bumper stickers to begin with, these Darwin Fish really irk me.  I’m sure you’ve seen them- the fish decal made to look like the Christian ichthys symbol, but only it’s been given legs and occasionally has “Darwin” written inside.  


It’s really not clear to me what this is trying to say.  Is it:

  1. I believe that the theory of common descent totally erases Christian beliefs as shown by this emblem 
  2. Christianity is a threat to my belief in the theory of common descent, so I took one of their symbols and changed it- see??
  3. I’m an as$ who doesn’t mind, in fact rather enjoys, taking an object sacred to many and trying to play off of it for attention.
  4. I’m a rebel who proves their uniqueness by purchasing a $4 decal from one of 5,000 retailers offering them in all sizes and colors. 

There are a surprising number of scientists, doctors, and biologists out there who, in addition to recognizing that there is some truth to Darwin’s idea of common descent, also hold on to their Christian faith.  Perhaps one or two have been converted because of the Darwin Fish decal on a ’95 Subaru, but I bet far more have just rolled their eyes.

#2  Saying Dumb Things to My Kid

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You know, it’s really not that hard to understand a child’s world.  You just have to stop for a second and realize that they are tiny people with little world experience who look to adults as authority figures and for cues about how to behave. 


I am teaching my daughter to respect and listen to adults.  Therefore it really irritates me when you are obviously an adult and you are checking out our groceries and my daughter is holding the one lovey she agonized over trying to figure out which one she should bring and you are saying, “Will you give me your doll??...  why won’t you give me your doll??...  I think I could love that doll better than you!”  And you notice that she’s clutching it and saying “Daddy…daddy??” yet you continue your inane carrying on until I have to tell you to stop. 

Yeah, when you do that you really annoy me. 

Way to make a two year old worry that adults are going to try to swoop down and steal what’s rightfully hers or make her feel bad about having something.  Geez-  I already keep her away from MSNBC and other liberal outlets to stay away from that kind of mentality.  Oh snap! (sorry, but I had to balance the Bush picture out)

#3  Wearing Sunglasses Indoors

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Finally- for anyone who has not stopped reading yet, I have to comment on the wearing of sunglasses indoors.  It’s not at all unusual to be walking through the grocery store and spot some dude with his shirt collar popped sporting some shades. 

Now, I have friends who have pointed out that sometimes, when you have a small toddler, they may demand that you wear glasses or something and you do it just to keep them from freaking out in  a public place.  I totally understand that- but if you don’t have a child, a black eye, just left the optometrist’s, or aren’t high on something, then you really need not wear those glasses indoors.  Also, you look ridiculous with them on the back of your neck or on your forehead an inch above your eyes.


Sorry for the negative brain dump here.  I’ll be back next week with something a little more inspiring.