Moms Columns & Blogs

Hitting the wall...

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I have hit the proverbial wall…  Ran smack into it, smashed my head against it, and about knocked myself out trying to force a way through.  I’m too tired to climb over or to go around...  I am a quivering mass of nerves, shaking with frustration and brimming with tears…  

When will I learn that I cannot be all things to all people?  I always believed I was capable of anything; whenever I set my mind to a particular task, it seemed I could do it rather easily and fairly well.  Not now.  Not anymore.  This newfound awareness is hard to swallow, especially since my family needs more from me than ever before.  But I simply cannot do it all, a fact made very clear by my current state of being…    

Because once again, I have committed myself far beyond my abilities.  Tonight I sit, parked on a street in Uptown Charlotte, at close to 9:00 p.m., waiting for Grace to finish her latest community service obligation.  I just wrapped up a ten-hour workday, not including my excursion (from Dilworth to Matthews to Uptown and back to Dilworth) to collect Grace from her mid-afternoon community service responsibilities.  The office building where I work has been without heat for two days; the approvals required to replace the heating system naturally arrived alongside the first extremely cold weather of the season…  My head aches from the noise created by multiple roofers banging away above my desk, which is now covered with a heavy layer of decades-old dust and detritus from the ceiling.  Somewhere along the way I agreed to play in a tennis tournament…not realizing we would only have about a week to get it done.  Trying to get four women to find a mutually agreeable time is proving difficult, about impossible…and I’m getting upset about it.  We haven’t had supper yet, my allergies are acting up, and this frigid air is aggravating my asthma; I feel foolish and stressed and like an idiot…  

Everyone has limits…including me.  Knowing I have limitations isn’t the issue; the fact that I seem to reach them far sooner is what is catching me off guard.  Something has to give…  So what should I do about it?  I haven’t a clue…but I think I will start by gracefully backing out of this tennis match.  Even though it feels like an admission of failure on my part.  

And then I’m going to follow up by learning to say ‘no’ with increasing regularity…  

Wishing you hope…TG  

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator

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