Moms Columns & Blogs

At the Beach

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Mile after mile of blacktop uncurled before and behind, eventually ending at the sea, our destination ...  The landscape flashed by, unseen by my staring eyes; it doesn’t matter where I am.  My location may change, but my so called life is the same, any place I go…

Stumbling, fumbling, slamming the door and shutting us out…  Coming in at half past late, ignoring any questions that don’t suit her mood, obviously making less than smart decisions…  What the hell?  We drove over three hours and paid a premium to deal with more of the same s***?  How stupid are we, taking these days as vacation, thinking it would be different somehow? 

The struggle to escape, to fit in, to belong, to figure out and find herself in the midst of it all, I get it.  I understand far better than Grace can possibly realize.  Why?  Because we are all in the same boat now…each of us is trying to discover who we really are, as best we can, given our circumstances…  Is this fair to her and Beth?  Absolutely not!  They shouldn’t have to deal with parents who are MIA after having lost their brother, but unfortunately, that’s how it is.  We’re trying, but there’s no going back to the way we used to be…

Spring break twenty years later, very little has changed…  Large groups of unsupervised, half-dressed teenagers roam freely, with no rules, no curfews, and invisible adults…  Neither John nor I were beach party participants, but my sisters were, back in the day.   We’ve since learned the details of Brian’s adventure down here last year, which turned out to be quite different than we thought…or what he led us to believe, even with having the parental ‘supervision’ of his friend’s mom and dad.  Those revelations served up another life lesson for me; if I ever find myself in that particular position again (which seems unlikely since John is planning to build a tower to lock the girls in when we get home), I will be discussing exactly what my idea of ‘supervision’ is, to the nth degree…

But having said that, and despite knowing far too much about the clandestine activities of this younger generation, I still don’t know what to say or what to do most of the time...when to confront and when to let things go… Grace came in tonight completely unraveled, off balance…  She learned the ex-boyfriend of a friend killed himself yesterday.  All I could do was let her cry; I had no wise words to comfort her with.  It crushes me to know that someone so young had lost all hope, when so often that is all that I have…

A heartfelt thank you to the person who returned Brian’s cross to the scene in Pineville…  Wishing you sunshine and hope…tg

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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