Moms Columns & Blogs

Broken but beautiful

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The wind races over the vast expanse of sand, scouring everything in its path.  The frigid air is in sharp contrast to the bright sunshine; one more break between how we thought it would be and how it really is…  The weather today hasn’t supported the notion of the world getting hotter, that’s for sure…

Our first foray to the beach has dredged up many emotions in us.  Beth, stuck at home.  Responsible adult, torn between stay or go.  John, lost in pretense.  Going through the motions, rigidly controlling too much.  Grace, confused woman-child.  Determined to fit in, unable to commit fully.  Me, preoccupied but present.  Single-minded in purpose, failure not an option.

I braved the bone chilling temps outside by myself this afternoon; John and Grace were getting on my nerves with their looping commentary of petty complaints: “I’m bored…   I’m cold…  I’m hungry…  I’m tired…  There’s nothing on television…”  I trudged down the crushed seashell pathway, shedding my ill-temper with every step closer to the boundless blue sea…  I exited between two low-lying dunes and turned left, marching away from the other reckless souls crazy enough to be on this windswept beach with me... 

I walked, head down, hood up, following the tide’s retreat from civilization, relinquishing all conscious thought to the certain rhythm of the waves…  Eventually I noticed the treasures of the deep strewn across the sand, hundreds of pieces in the area where I was standing.  I began picking up fragments of sand dollars, scanning side to side for one perfect specimen, hoping for a sign like before…

I lost track of time, despite the biting cold and fierce wind…  After a while Grace wandered out to join me, out of boredom or curiosity, I cannot say.  She stood silently watching as I continued to add various selections to my red solo cup.  Finally the chilly air proved too much for her to bear, so she turned to leave, stating the obvious, “Mom, why are you bothering with these?  None of them are whole.  They’re all smashed into bits and pieces.”  Without thinking, I replied, “I know, but its okay.  They’re still beautiful, just in a different way.”

As I watched her retreat, I realized I had been given another sign via sand dollars…it is possible to find beauty in broken things... 

Hopefully we will be able to find beauty in our lives again, in spite of our brokenness, in spite of our pain.  It will just be different from what we knew as beautiful before…

Wishing you sunshine and hope…tg

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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