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Three little letters...

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Why?  

Three little letters, strung together, forming a simple question that cannot be answered simply…  

This one-word demand has been hurled at me countless times since Brian’s accident…  Sometimes softened by an undertone of sadness, often delivered with the slap of anger…  What other query could branch off into so many different directions, ultimately leading back to the same answer?  It is human nature to challenge things that don’t make sense; it is instinctive for a wife and mother to try and make things sensible…  

I am able to explain the physical logistics of what happened; we unearthed that ‘why’ by piecing together the sequence of events and visiting the scene after it happened.  We all know THAT answer…  It is the underlying ‘why’ that is so troublesome…  

‘Why’ turns up constantly, even in our dreams…  My husband tosses and turns most nights, mumbling as he drifts restlessly, ‘Why God? Why my son?’ When awake, his questions are pointed, asking ‘What possible purpose could there be in this?’  The girls, together and alone, echo his thoughts, as they alternately rage at His unfairness and sob over our inability to fix it, to make it all better by bringing their brother back and reclaiming our old life…  

My answer has remained the same, from the moment we walked out of the trauma center, into this life without our beloved Brian.    

I don’t know why God allowed this to happen, to him, to our family.  Life isn’t fair…  Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people.  Sometimes things occur that are beyond our ability to understand, at that particular moment, if ever.  Many people have faced, and others are facing, situations they didn’t ask for, and certainly don’t want.  This life is what it is…hard…painful…final…ours.  

I don’t waste what little energy I have pondering this other ‘why’…  I stand firm on my belief that everything happens for a reason, and it was Brian’s time to go.  As I cannot see beyond my next breath, I take it on faith.  My faith gives me hope; my hope gives me comfort…    

I don’t have any other answer.    

Wishing you hope…TG  

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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