Not to be too modest, but sometimes I do things that really astound and amaze me. Like, I’ll look back on some things I’ve done and just shake my head at the marvel that was my action.
“Self,” I’ll say, “you just did something that could only be described as amazing!”
“Why, thank you!” I’ll respond back. “Hey, let’s make sure we don’t let our daughter repeat this action.”
“Ah, yes”, I’ll reply, “But what if this kind of thing is genetic?”
“Hmm, that’s possible”, I reflect, “but I'm pretty sure it’s on the Y chromosome so she doesn’t have to worry. Oh, and one other thing- you might want to stop talking to yourself and go put something on that, you’re getting blood everywhere, pal”
This latest “self discussion” occurred last night immediately after I made the poor choice to investigate some manicure nippers I found in a drawer.
To be completely honest I’m not sure what one needs these darn things for, anyway. Unless women have different toenail/fingernail configurations than me I don’t even know why we have them in the house. It seems just like an accident waiting to happen.
Well, no matter how or why these nippers were acquired, I found them, and decided I’d see just how sturdy the safety latch was on them. I think this was an honest attempt to help secure my daughter’s wellbeing in the house. I mean, sure, I could just simply put them out of reach- but before I do, let’s make sure the safety works. I’d like to think that the logic here is similar to the logic behind keeping a gun and its ammo in separate safe locations, only applied to less threatening manicure/pedicure implements.
Anyway, I’m happy to report that the safety bar thingy that keeps the nippers from closing on unsuspecting toddler fingers will work if a toddler happens upon them. It certainly will work in the length of time it would take for an attentive adult to realize something was amiss.
Unfortunately, the mechanism will fail if an adult really squeezes the handle of the nippers. Now, get ready, because you’re about to be able to insert the “self discussion” from above into the next set of events.
In order to properly test whether or not a toddler finger could get nipped I decided, amazingly, to stick my own finger into the nippers and squeeze- harder and harder!
And harder and harder still!
That’s right, as I’m sure you guessed from the minute I decided to uncharacteristically blog about manicure implements, something bad happened. The safety mechanism slipped, the nippers snapped closed with an icy “tink”, and in the seconds that ensued before the blood could really get flowing I had the little chat with myself.
The only sting worse than being nipped, pun intended, by your own dumb mistake, is the sting of New Skin liquid bandage on a freshly opened index finger. That sting really drives the lesson home, I assure you.
So, I write at you a little slower tonight, handicapped by a tender left pointer finger. As such, I believe I will pass on this evening’s scheduled round of safety tests on the stapler and the super glue. I’m gonna wait for this finger to heal a little first.